Helen

My sweet baby cat died today..I've had her since I was 6. She was the first pet I remember having. She used to be SO bad! She would chase you when you walked by, bite your feet and hands, she was playful. When we got home from TN on Thursday, I checked on her, and she was very thin, and could hardly move her back legs. She just got progressively worse. She stopped eating & then drinking and starting bleeding from her gums. If she hadn't passed today, I was going to go have her put to sleep tomorrow. She was just suffering SO much. It was really hard to watch. Plus, the parentals are out of town and Im alone, and that was hard too. So goodbye my sweet kitty. You were loved & will be missed.

Helen
July 4, 1989 to June 25, 2007

HARRY POTTER!!!

I think I just peed myself a little bit..I just saw the first preview for HARRY POTTER & THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX!!!!
OMG, I didn't realize how it was time for that to come out & then the book...Raise your hand if your pumped and a HUGE HP fan!!! Both of my hands are waving in the air!!

Hmm...

Is it bad that everytime I get on the computer, just to type something (like say the homework I should be doing now) that I get HUGELY sidetracked? I think my mind is broken. I just can't focus. Well I can when it's crunch time..But today Im doing my final speech on adoption, which I am. So I don't really need any notecards or anything but I thought I'd type out some kind of sheet for the people in my class so they'd know what I was talking about since I talk REALLY fast during speeches. I always have too much to say. Anyway, I got about a paragraph done & moved on..Hmm..this could be potentially problematic..Okay back to it. Just wanted to show how sidetracked I am. Im writing about homework I should be doing right now, in my blog. NICE.

In the last 48 hours I have realized...

I have studied for 22 of them
I have realized that sometimes I HATE studying
That by studying medical terminology, i am classified as a nullipara, primagravida. Look it up.
If my baby had been born, she'd be 4 next month..WOW! Miscarriage is a terrible thing.
I am a HUGE bitch when I am stressed out & working on next to no sleep
Im dating a really nice guy who has some REALLY annoying tendencies
I need to get over it
I want to get married.
I want to have the huge wedding
Watching too many wedding's on television can make you obsessed.
I still want 4 kids..But NOT quadruplets.
In 4 days this house will be full to the breaking point w/friends I consider more like family. This time of year is my favorite..Besides Christmas.
Sometimes I just want to go on vacation, ALONE.
I havent..ahem, had "relations" in almost 4 months. Good grief. Notice how the number 4 just keeps appearing.
I miss the beach. I havent been there in forever. Maybe I can convice deputy E to take me there soon.
He wants to go to Cedar Point I want to go to Kings Island or Holiday World..They are closer which=less driving=less gas=less money..He just loves rollercoasters..Must make a decision.
When I think about people I know who are just living life by the seat of their pants w/no responsibility, it really upsets me.
When I think about the 3 years I WASTED at ISU and how I could have my RN by now, Im really upset w/myself
When I think about the fact that had I said a simple "yes" to caliboy, I would've been married & prob. divorced by now, I say a silent thanks that God gave me the heads up early.
When I think that 4 years ago, I would've had my baby girl, I tear up every single time. Maybe thats why Im so ready for a baby. I miss her all the time.
I need to sleep.
Im off to take a bath, read, & go to bed.

He's Great

So the new guy Deputy E as we will refer to him here is better then I originally thought. I mean I always thought he was good but here's a "for instance." Yesterday I was just in an easily annoyable mood. EVERYTHING was pissing me off. Seriously, school, work, the kids, although I must tell you about my dear, dear ChyChy in a moment, Deputy E I mean everything!! And I pretty much took it out on him. I was a bitch, straight up. So last night I had this dream and I was this hot chick (lol, one of the reasons I love dreams) and I ran into this guy that was a combination of all my previous boyfriends all their bad qualities, their needs, their fuck-upedness and at the end of this dream was Deputy E and above him a big, flashing sign that said "YOU ARE SO LUCKY!!!" and I woke up and realized how lucky I am that he is putting up w/my bs. So I called him today and apologized and said "Im sorry I was bitchy" and he said "it's okay, sometimes I need it" WHAT!? I can't believe he thinks that sometimes he needs me to be bitchy. How lucky am I, seriously? I'll be lucky if this one sticks around. I see him and my future and he had a dream the other night that he proposed to me! OMG..Anyway..my dear ChyChy will have to come at another post because I must go to class, but I just had to brag on Deputy E.

Umm so news..

So Im seeing someone...Hmm.. I haven't been "seeing someone" since EJM & I broke up back in September..I mean I've gone on dates & everything, but nothing serious...and THIS is leaning towards the very serious..Like SERIOUS serious..He's wonderful, treats me like a QUEEN (which I've never had before & therefore kinds of weirds me out). I told my madre that he's kind of a nerd and I don't know how to feel about him and she told my dad was (and is) a HUGE nerd and they've been married for almost 35 years (thinking of that, I must add another ticker..LOL..Im kind of a ticker freak). My 2nd momma at church said "so he doesn't drink, steal your stuff to buy drugs or hit you & your WEIRDED OUT!??! So true..I must learn to trust but it's hard. Esp. since the last relationship was so horrible.. But anyway, that is the "biggest" news of late. Also, in sad news, my 2nd dadda's mom died on Saturday..I know this is gonna sound horrible, but it was interesting listening to him tell me why/how because I knew EXACTLY how she died. Like medically. She died from atrial fibrilation which is fatal 99% of the time. She didn't have any pain or anything she was just gone. The viewing is tomorrow from 2:00-8:00 and the funeral is Wednesday at 11:30. Anyway..I must run to class...Better update later