Just Another Friday

Today, my good friend, who just happens to be a beutician (score!!) is going to come over & chop off about 6-7 inches of my hair..OMG!!! I wansn't nervous until E took a "before" picture from the back & I realized how long it is..I'm going for a long bob style & hopefully, she can update the color as well. I'll attempt to post pictures..But first, I have to find my SD card. I have a mini-SD card in my camera..and so I have to have the larger one to put pics on my computer..I am sick that it's not in the computer..That's the last place I had it..Why would I take it out?! I have absolutely no idea where it could be..Ugh. And if I can't find it, I have to get a new one. There's no way my mini-sd will hold all the pics I plan on taking when we go on vacation. Hopefully it turns up. I think those things are like $50..No thank you.

Also, can anyone explain why DH chooses to make the most hurtful remarks at 4AM when the baby is in the middle of an epic meltdown? She has been sleeping SO SO SO much better, and then last night, meltdown @ 3:30am. Usually a cup of watered down juice will do the trick. Last night she needed to cups of juice, a snack, & a certain paci before she could get it together enough to fall back asleep. She finally did at 6:30. UGH. And DH tells me he can't get his ass up & help me because he is exhausted. He HAS been working 11hr days..I was like, so have I!!! I do my job, then I come home & I take care of Lulu & after she goes to bed, I take care of the house stuff & lately that's been tough because of my hip situation. And then I'm the one who is up if the baby is. He mumbled that being a mom isn't a real job.....Yep. I don't care if he was half-asleep. I was so hurt. I said some things I probably shouldn't have, but he completely desereved it. I was so upset. This morning, he acted like he just couldn't harldy function because he was SOOOOO tired. I told him I didn't want to hear it & to go back to bed if he was so f-ing exhausted. Ugh. I am still so upset. Next week, when he's off, guess what? He'll be watching Lulu every day that I work. Then tell me that being a mom isn't a real job. He has no idea what he just got himself into..

Besides that situation, things have been pretty good. It's been crazy hot here, like 86-89 degrees in MARCH!! It feels like June. We've had our AC on for a week or so. Today is the coolest it's been (62) and that's because it's raining. Lovely storms last night =) I just hope the nice weather comes back because when it changes like this, Lu & I usually get sick. And I'm having trouble breathing today..Ugh. Stay away!! Get warm again!!

Just FYI

We've been TTC Joyner Baby 2.0 for exactly as long as a pregnancy..9 months..40 weeks..the amount of a full term pregnancy. Ugh. That hurts & sucks. If I hadn't had the miscarriage in July, I'd be due next month. I figured, since we've gone through infertility before, it wouldn't hurt as much or be as hard the second time around..I was wrong. And I know I am INCREDIBLY lucky to have Lulu, I don't take one second w/her for granted..But it must have been a cold fall & winter because no less then four people announced their pregnancies on FB & 3 friends had babies over the last 2 days. Gah. Jealousy. I know. So dumb. But I can't help it. Oh well. And as for a December baby..Not in the cards for us..E got "voluntold" to work OT 2 nights ago, so he got in at 2AM, then 6:30AM last night & who knows what time tonight..Oh well..Like I said, I'm not too sad..and 2 January babies would be okay..I just told E that I want to take Lulu & a sibling to the St. Patty's day parade next year, so we have til June to get PG =) Here's hoping =)

I'm 80 Years Old

Seriously..What 29yo do YOU know that has chronic migraines, ridiculous asthma, & now, hip/sciatic problems? What in the absolute f*ck is wrong w/my body & WHY can't I go just one week w/o a doctors appointment? I think my body is making up for the 7 3/4 months that I wasn't sick while I was pregnant. I had the usual winter colds & whatnot, but when I was pregnant, I was the healthiest I have ever been. I got migraines during the last few weeks, but that was due to stress & elevated BP. Since then I have been hospitalized once, in the ER 4-5x (I can't remember how many, 2 THIS YEAR already), to the immediate care so much that it's like they are my regular doctor, and had to be on so many drugs ( and not usually the fun ones) that I'm known by name at our pharmacy. I'm so spent. I'm done. I want to be healthy. I'm doing everything in my power to stay healthy & it's like my body has a vendetta against itself. I did ABSOLUTELY nothing to hurt my hip. NOTHING. No injury, no changed in activity (well I'm taking the baby & dog for more walks since it's been 82 degrees in MARCH in Indiana!!) but that's not a big deal. It's not like I took up javelin or competitive rowing. So my hip started hurting Monday, I got adjusted at work M/T/W & it felt better for a few hours after that. Then last night, it was EXCRUCIATING. I stretched, I took tylenol, I used heat, I used ice, I complained. Nothing worked. Then this morning, when I put weight on my left foot, I fell down. It was life fire running through my veins. I have never felt anything quite like it. E told me I needed to go to the immediate care because I couldn't even pick up the baby & he couldn't take the day off to stay home & help me. She immediatly dx'd me w/a very inflamed sciatic nerve & possible a buldging disc. Awesome. She said to see my orthopedist if it's not better by Monday. Because yeah, we have an extra few hundred dollars right now. Ugh. We totally don't. But she did give me steroids (yuck) and Vico.din (yay). Hopefully, the pain goes away ASAP. We live for Gulf Shores in 2 weeks. I don't have time for this.

Also on my plate today...The OPK is positive. Now normally this would be followed by about 100 exclamation points and excitement about a possible Christmas-time baby. I am excited about that...I am also wondering how one has se.x when they can't move their hips? Or when it hurts to lay in certain positions..let alone....you know. Plus, remember the "this isn't the cycle" feeling I was having? I'm still having it, & I'm not so upset. I mean I'm peeved that we might "waste" an amazing follicle, but I'm just not as excited as I want myself to be. Oh, and this is the MOST ovulation I have had since my first PP AF. It's fantastic. So I'm hoping the pain abates for a little while tonight (as it is DH's birthday) or I feel better in the morning because those are basically our two chances since DH is working overnight tomorrow & Saturday. We'll see.

Have I mentioned lately baby girls sleeping habits? As I was talking about them to a co-worker, a patient overheard me & asked "how old is she? 8 or 10 weeks?" LOL. Um, no, 13.5 mos. That's how bad it's been. She goes down between 7-8 and is up basically every 2 hours from 11-8am. We finally end up moving her to our bed when I get totally exhausted. Though, last night, KNOCK ON WOOD was fantastic w/only one waking up episode. I hope tonight goe the same course since I have been so tired that I actually had to lay down at work yesterday because I couldnt function. Something has got to give & it might just be my sanity. The doctor said she is having night terrors & to let her cry it out. Are you serious!? I asked him "so your telling me that my 13mo old baby is having night terrors, and she can't vocalize what is wrong or what is scaring her, and she wakes up screaming and shaking because whatever she was dreaming about scared her so much, and I'm supposed to leave her ALONE?!" That sounds both cruel & unsual to me. I know that when I have a nightmare, DH is laying right next to me & I wake him up and make him snuggle closer and tell him what happened. My daughter can't tell me what she is scared of, so I can't explain it to her what is & isn't going to happen. And she literally wakes sits straight up & starts screaming, crying, & shaking. It's scary and breaks my heart. I'm sure I'm just gonna let her get even more afraid by justleaving her in her room. WTH?! Ugh. I love her pediatrician, but sometimes, he's a moron.

Okay, thats all for now. Sorry to be so long winded. The baby is actually asleep and I'm going to attempt to watch the Net.flix movies I have had for a month. How is everything in your world?

Sad

I wonder if I am actually depressed, or if it's just a side effect of the Clomid? I finished the Clomid 3 days ago and yesterday my pelvic area, especially on the right side was SO swollen, and it hurt to go from sitting to standing, going over bumps in the road. Ugh. It was no good. So I called Dr. J's office and the nurse told me she wasn't sure what was wrong and to come in this morning. Come to find out, the office had ALL of my dates wrong and had scheduled me for my u/s on Moday, which could have been TOO late for seeing if my follicles were the right size. Today is CD 11 & on the right size I had 5 follicles, 4 that were on the small side (between 9-12mm) and one HUGE 27mm one!! Yay!! So the doc wanted me to trigger, but we had a HUGE bill come up this week that ate most of my paycheck, plus I had to refill my & Elaina's asthma medication, and it's grocery week. So, there we will be no trigger. Ugh. We just seem to be running into roadblock after roadblock when we do medicated cycles. Anyway, I spoke to one of my friends, and she actually conceived her last daughter on a medicated cycle w/o triggering, just using OPK's!!! So that makes me excited. I haven't had the "this is the one" feeling about this cycle. I don't know why. We'll see!!

Onto the depression. I think it stems from being absolutely exhausted to the point of forgetting things, like driving to work, doing the dishes, doing laundry. Just completely forgetting things. And I'm so clumsy becuase I'm so tired and the headaches, ugh, they've been bad. And E just has NOT been his usual helpful self. I don't know what has changed. He's acting like he did a few months ago when I had my little breakdown. I constantly complement him when he helps me, and praise him when he does stuff that I think he SHOULD BE DOING ANYWAY!!! But I know w/guys, you have to praise them for the little things...But ugh. I am so tired that I was crying earlier when the baby wouldn't nap. And I've just felt down and out. I've read that that is actually a side effect of the Clomid. I hope it's just the hormones and I feel better in a few more days. If not, IDK what I'm gonna do. I'd say I'd call the doctor, but I'm currently on the hunt for a new PCP since mine has been a little cuckoo lately.

Okay, that's all for now. The baby is in bed & I think I'll head that way also =)

Spring then Winter then Spring then Winter

It seems that Indiana has a bi-polar issue. Particularly w/the weather. Now, having lived in Indiana for all 29 years of my life, you think I'd be used to this. Not so much. It seems the older I get, the more I realize that winter/spring are interchangeable. Like today. Little E & I went to the store around 9:30am, it was 40 degrees and the predicitions were for some fire & brimstone type storms. So we hurried around and by the time we left the store it was about 50 degrees. We got home right before the rain & hail hit, but we, fortunately escaped the damaging storms. There was some thunder & lightening and some rain that was coming down so hard that I couldn't see the house next door to us. More on the fire & brimstone storms in a second. Then when we headed to my parents for Friday night pizza, it was 67 degrees & insanely windy. A few hours later (like now) it's 37 degrees again. Crazy!! I'm really, REALLY ready for the temperature to stay the same. For more then 24hrs. Seriously. Either freeze or be warm. Those are the choices. No more of this weather rigamaroe.

To the south of us, in Henryville & Marysville, they were not as lucky in the weather department. According to news reports (and reports that DH has heard rolling in from state police in the southern posts) Marysville has been wiped off the map. The devastation is such that it looks like a town never exsisted there. And we have been seeing pictures of Henryville on the news (local & national) all night. The death total is at 9 right now, and the devastation is just immense. It reminds me of Joplin when we drove through last August. Everything is just destroyed. My husband is on standby, meaning he may be deployed to go down & help out in the next 24-48hrs. We'll see. Our thoughts & prayers are with those they have been affected by these storms...I can't even imagine..

Because of the aforementioned weather & some of our sweet patients coming in sick, I have been incredibly sick all week. It seems that Miss E goes for a month at a time being well and then gets sick. She was sick all of October, well all of November and most of December, sick all of January, well almost all of February & so far has been sick for March. And this time, momma is actually sicker then the baby (which I'd prefer) but, the hubs doesn't seem to be able to handle it or function very well when I'm sick..So I haven't really had a day to kind of slow down & rest..What mom does?! Today he actually told me to go lay down because I looked like (and felt liked) living death. So I got about an hour nap. And of course, silly baby decides today is a very short nap day. She had her morning nap..20 minutes and her afternoon nap..1hr. Ugh. Oh well. Hopefully we are both on the mend ASAP. I thought I was getting better last night, but it all seemed to move into my chest today. We can't be sick this whole month, we leave for vacation on the 30th!!

Cycle wise? I'm on CD4, second day of Clo.mid was today. So far, NO migraines!!! I'm so excited. By this time on the Fem.ara I was in agonizing pain. I really hope it works. Seriously. Oh, and did I tell you? DH has had a COMPLETE change of heart. He came to me Tuesday, and said he had done some soul searching and was really ready for a baby this time. He was very against doing the trigger shot, but after we talked about it, and my mom added her words of wisdom (and I'm not being sarcastic, sometimes she just knows EXACTLY what to say) he said "twins would even be okay, at least then I know we'd be done having babies and you wouldn't have to put yourself through this again." My mouth dropped to the floor. I can't believe his change. He is excited. This is what I wanted back in January. I'm so glad that he came around. I stay on the Clo.mid from CD3-7, then a CD12 u/s, then trigger, then 3 days of BD =) Here's really, really hoping for a December baby bear!!!

Okay, it's bed time for this sicky. Night!!