Update (rated PG)

Okay, so instead of telling all my bloggy friends which posts are going to have pregnancy related things in them, Im going to rate them PG. That way, if you want to skip those posts, feel free. I understand. I've had to skip a few myself, and I am "in the family way."

Oh, and this update will be in bullet formation =)

• Let's get the PG talk out of the way. Im 9wk2d today. We had our 3rd u/s on Monday..It was insane. The baby looks like..a BABY. Can you believe that?! It was moving around, and Dr. J said it was hard to get a good pic that wasn't blurry because Froggy was moving so much. Oh, and why did DH see the pic and say "OMG, it's a boy" when he saw..the umbilical cord. Oh jeez. He has so much to learn. Also, Im still terrified on a daily basis, and Im still doing the "what if" dance. I think that will continue until there is a live, screaming baby in my arms. I was watching those pregnancy shows on Discovery Health last night, and I kept thinking, I might make it through this pregnancy, only to have a stillbirth. I know, always optimistic over here. Im trying not to wish time away, but if we could just speed things up and get to 12wks that'd be fantastic. It's weird how my 2 cousins are also PG. We got married in the same order that we are expecting our babies. MN got married in May 08 and is due in October 10, SH got married in August 08 and is due in December 10, and I got married in October 08 and am due in March 11. Oh, and E tells me I should "hold out" until the 15th so he can share his birthday w/the baby. Ummm....no. Now major weight gain yet, but there is a little bump starting to come through. Next u/s is on August 9th. We'll be almost 11wks. OMG. Double digits!!
• SIL drama, as per usual. So we went to a family reunion last Sunday, and beforehand we went to SIL's house, and she showed us their engagement pics and we got our Save The Dates. She also showed me some of the decorations etc. Onward we go to the reunion. I didn't plan this on purpose, but we gave E's mom the little picture frame we got her (and one for my parents) w/the first u/s pic in it the same day. Umm..so she was gushing about the baby, and barely mentioned SIL's pics or STD's. I felt bad. I was trying to just lay low, and I *know* SIL was peeved. So, she announced that she & her fiance would begin "trying" on their wedding night. Cue akward silence. Who does that? Ugh. It was a gross mental picture for all. And as previously mentioned, I don't want to share being PG w/her. She's been so dramatic w/this wedding stuff, I cannot imagine what her being PG will be like. Fun times. Also, we have to have our BM dresses ordered by the 10th..of August. She has been hounding me since..June!! And now it's getting down to the wire, and I still haven't picked one out (mainly because I don't want to drive all the way to Tipton) but also because, I don't know what size Im going to be (and Im scared to think that far ahead) and most of them are strapless, and I haven't been too successful in finding "maternity" strapless bras. So yeah, she boarded the freak out train today. Also, Moo-Moo is a flowegirl. My mom offered to make the FG dresses until SIL added THREE more. My mom graciously declined. Now the one's SIL wants to order off of Etsy (which I heart, btw) are $90!!! Jeebus. That's a lot of money. I added up approximately how much everything is going to cost (shoes, clothes, tux, Moo's clothes, salon) and it is close to $700...OMG. And that is right after Christmas. I think they are getting scarves & coal for Christmas. I know. Im selfish. But thats a lot of money..Plus, she finally decided she *does* want a shower..and Im hosting that as well. Im trying to be nice, and not let her know any of this, but she has to realize that $90 is a LOT for a FG dress. I mean, correct? I think mine were $40 each (and we had someone make them for us). The one's at David's Bridal are $50. Ugh. IDK. Maybe it's just me. But we are shelling out a lot. Ugh. Whatever.
• DH is still insanely psyched about going to the academy. He has to have a physical & psych exam and get fitted for his uniform on August 10th..The day after our u/s. So exciting!! I can't wait for him to start..But it means I'll be alone for the majority of my pregnancy. He's not allowed to come home for the first 2wks and then he comes home Fri-Sun. It's gonna be hard, but it's gonna be so worth it. March is gonna be a big month for us =)
• A couple of PG questions...Does my skin freaking out end? Is it true that the worse your skin the more likely that it's a girl? How soon did you get to stop the Prometrium and or Lovenox? I think I'll be on the Lovenox for the duration of the pregnancy.
• I finished the first 8 books of the Sookie Stackhouse series by Charlaine Harris..In 3 weeks. So, so, so good. In fact, Im going out to buy book 9 as soon as I get finished =) Lovely.
• Thanks for listening (reading) my rant. Im sorry I've been a lousy commenter. Im trying to keep up, but when i get off work at 7pm, Im usually in bed by 8:30pm. Im gonna try real hard this weekend =)

Big Ol News!!!

Sooooo...many of you may not know this..But DH started the process to become a state trooper in 2006..He hasn't made it for the last 4x...it's been devastating each time, but he throws himself back into the process..He started a new process about 7 months ago. There are about 2-4wks in between each part of the testing process, written test, physical, oral interview..Etc. Well, about 6wks ago we had a "home" visit, a portion of the test we've never gotten to before, then last Saturday, DH did the final physical exam. I haven't mentioned very much of this on here because DH thought it would "jinx" it (I have a whole other post about jinxing things and silly superstitions) anyway..They told DH that the earliest we'd find out if he had a condional offer would be July 22nd...I go to work Thursday, we pray about what is to be, and off to work we go. Me, being the eternal pessismist prays on the way to work that if he doesn't get it this time, that we are able to work through things, and that my husband doesn't have a complete mental breakdown. Fast forward to 10:30am..I get a phone call from DH, that i can't take because we are so busy at work. He calls back an hour later, I put him on hold, because of the busy-ness. As soon as I pick up the phone, before I can even say hello, these words leave his mouth "Your gonna need to have that baby in either late February or a week after your due date because I want you at my graduation." Oh. My God. It took about 2 seconds for what he said to sink in before I starting crying so hard (at my desk mind you) that I was shaking. Tears were pouring down my face. I couldn't talk. DH had made it into the academy!!!! And wouldn't you know, my mom was at the office that day getting adjusted. I cleaned myself up, and when she came to my desk to check out, I said "I think the dog & I will be spending quite a bit of time w/you for the next 7mos." She wasn't really paying attention and asked me why. I explained "Because I get kind of freaked out when DH is gone for such a long period of time. You know, when he's only gonna be home on the weekends?" Took her about 2 seconds to get it, and then she was crying at my desk. She said she and my dad had just prayed for us that morning and she couldn't believe we knew so soon. Then, we were bothing jumping up and down and trying not to scream in my office. It was awesome. Almost as awesome as giving her the picture of their grandbaby last weekend. God is so good!! So here's the facts:
1. DH starts the Academy on September 20th, swearing in is the 19th.
2. For the first 2wks of class, he is not allowed to come home, that will be fun. It's a LOT like boot camp.
3. After the first 2wks, he can come home on the weekends, from Friday afternoon to Sunday evening. He has to be back at the academy by 6pm. Jeez. Who is my dad gonna watch football with?! I ask too many questions.
4. He will have class during the day (for 3-5hrs) and then have some kind of physical activity during 2-4hrs. It's strenous. It's incredibly hard. He couldn't be more ready for it. God had to have known this. He is in the best phyiscal shape of his life right now.
5. We can talk on the phone, and I think he will have access to email. Our "coloring times" is about to take a huuuuge nosedive.
6. Since he will be gone 4.5 days of the week, scaredy cat here will be alone. At least I'll have the dog. So, Im guessing, there will be a few weekdays Im at my parents, and probably the first two weekends that he is away. Many of you may not be a fan of this, but our house is protected by Sig Sauer & Glock, and I know how to use both correctly. Also, my mom gave me this hint, wasp spray. It's more deadly (and painful) then mace and it has no safety cover to get off. Also, it sprays farther and in a wider direction. If a bad guy would happen to show up, it would immobilize him if it got in his ears/nose/mouth/eyes. So, hopefully, I'll feel safe. Yes, the guns are locked up, no Moo-Moo doesn't know where they are.
7. Graduation is March 4, 2011. Im due March 2, 2011. Hmmm. I want to be at that graduation, we'll just have to see how things go. If I go early, he gets two weeks that he gets to come home at night to be w/me (thanks ISP) plus, spend 2 days w/me the day the baby is born and the day after. If the baby comes after graduation, obviously, he'll be home.
8. There is a pretty big chance we will be moving in mid-March. W/an infant. Oh good. There are state police posts all over Indiana, and some are in BFE. Here's hoping thats not where we end up.

I said all that, to say this. We are pumped. Life right now, is pretty great. Now I just have to get it in my head that this baby is going to surivive. That we ARE going to have a baby. Get me to 12wks. Then I can start thinking baby..

Can I Tell You A Story?

It's gonna seem a little "woe is me" but here goes..And this is PG related, just FYI..

So, I belong to a couple of those annoying baby websites, just cause I actually have allowed myself to hope that we will bring home a live baby in 7mos..And they have these "threads" that people post questions for other members to answer, or share stories. So today, in my email, I get this one thread about how these women told their DH they were PG..And you could tell, not a one of them has had trouble conceiving or ever had an early loss. And this might seem kind of judgemental (but it's not meant to be) but when I think about the first time we saw a positive test, compared to this time. The change is drastic. These women talked about these elaborate plans they had, and how everyone cried or cheered or whatever. And it made me sad. We won't ever have that again. We are still is disbelief land that Im this pregnant. Im still scared shitless and checking the TP like a crazy person on a regular basis. I remember my DH not even believing the 2nd line or the digital "pregnant" and not really getting into it until we had the 2 beta's and a u/s in our hands. IF/RPL makes this part so anticlimatic, ya know? Like I was so, so, so excited, tempered w/so, so, so scared. I'd love to be one of those pregnant ladies who can just "trust" a positive test. I barely trust the ultrasound. If I could have one every day, I totally would. I really hate what RPL has done to that part of being pregnant. Just had to let that out a little bit.

Genevieve Elaine

A daughter is the happy memories of the past, the joyful moments of the present, and the hope and promise of the future.  ~Author Unknown

Im already a bad mother..I went to bed last night w/o posting on my sweet Viv's birthday..Well it would have been her birthday...She was my very first pregnancy..Before I knew anything about RPL, or clotting factors, or miscarriage. She was a HUGE surprise. And I knew, as soon as the stick turned positive, that I wanted her more then life. That I would do anything to make sure she was safe. I had just pledged into a sorority at that time, and I didn't tell anyone, but instantly became the "sober sister" for all events. No one questioned it, and I didn't feel the need to explain. She made herself known from the moment she was conceived. I had morning sickness to the hilt, only it wasn't food aversions, it was smells. Oh my, it was awful. I almost had to wear a nose plug. Any kind of bad odor, immediately made me sick to my stomach. That was the only symptom I had. I had planned on telling my family over Christmas break, because I knew my parents were NOT going to take it well. I was 19, in college, not married, not even in a "serious" relationship. The day I decided to tell them, was the day I miscarried. December 19, 2002. I was devastated, and had no one to tell because I hadn't shared this news w/anyone. It was one of the most desolate times of my life. I didn't really "recover" until late February of 2003. The only other person that knew at that time was my doctor, who confirmed the pregnancy, and told me I was just over 11wks. That's the farthest I've ever been. I knew in my heart it was a girl. I named her, because she deserved that. July 15, 2003 was her due date. She would have been 7 (!!) this year, starting first grade in the fall..and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't wonder..what could have been. I know she is watching over me & the new baby. And although my gut says it's a boy...secretly..I really, really wish for a daughter. (Don't get me wrong, we will be over the moon no matter what the sex is.) I think I would see little glimpses of her in our little girl..Happy Birthday baby!!

An Award & An Update =)

So Im finally getting to this...I know!! Im sorry it has taken me so long..And a massive shout out to Kelly..Thank you so much for this award!!

Here are the rules (and why can't I figure out how to align this to the left?! I keep clicking the stupid button..oh well!!)

1. Thank whomever gave you the award: Check!
2. Tell 10 things about yourself that your readers may not know.
3. Pay it forward by nominating 7 bloggers you've recently discovered.


Okay..10 things you may not know about me.

1. I adore frogs. Any kind. Ugly, or cute, big or small. I effing LOVE them. And I collect them. My favoritest is the strawberry poison dart arrow frog. They have a collection of the posionous frogs at the aquarium in Gatlinburg. I could have stood there for days.

2. I also love snakes. Love them. Not as much as frogs, but close. I'd love to have a pet boa..but thats not the best idea w/a crazy dog and a baby on the way. Plus, DH, is terrified of snakes. He goes into connipitions if we see one, contained or not. It's actually kind of funny. My first introduction to snakes was holding a boa at Busch Gardens when I was 7. So rad.

3. I cannot stand the sound of nails being clipped. Yuck. So nasty. DH has to do his in the bathroom w/the door shut & the fan on. Yeah, that much. We had a patient who was doing it in the waiting room a few days ago..WTF!? I sure did go out and give him the where-to's and the why-fors!!

4. My favorite number is 18. IDK if it's because I was born on the 18th or what. But that was my favorite age to be, and I hope I have at least one baby born on an "18."

5. I don't like breakfast. I rarely eat it. I never have been a big breakfast person. But do I like it later in the day, like for lunch? Oh yes I do!! It's the weirdest thing.

6. Im messy. I have to really be in the mood to clean things. Im pretty good about doing the laundry, not so great about putting it away. You can just live out of laundry baskets, right?!

7. I wish it was warm in Indiana year round so I could live in flip-flops and cute sandals. Love summer shoes!!

8.  I waver day to day on whether we told people about this pregnancy too early..given our wonderful history of producing such great pregnancies..But still. I want to live in this moment, to celebrate what we know. Plus it's done. No taking it back now.

9. I love bubble gum. Like hubba bubba. So fantastic. I could chew it until it pulled my teeth right out.

10. I don't want to be pregnant at the same time as my SIL. I know it's selfish, but she makes everything all.about.her. I want this, to be about me. I know. But it is how it is.

My Nominations:
1. WiseGuy at Woman Anyone?
2. MelissaP05 at Melissa's Thoughts & Realizations
3. Christina at The Subfertile Frugalista
4. Hannah at Life Happens When You're Making Other Plans (who got a supremely high beta today, go congratulate her!!!)
5. Rain Child at It's Always Raining
6. Mrs.Gamgee at Hobbit-ish Thoughts and Ramblings
7. Amanda at Where's My Stork

*Small Update*
You guys have been so rad w/your support and kind words..And thank you for letting me know that Im not too crazy not wanting to be PG at the same time as the SIL. Im sure it will happen sooner or later, but on our first one, I want it to be "ours." Im not a good sharer. In other news, being PG affords me the luxury (bahahaa) to choose which dress I want to wear in said SIL's wedding instead of the encased meat dress she had "chosen" for me to wear..Yes!! It's the small things..The only place that sells this brand of dress is in Tipton, IN (about 1hr or so from us) and I betcha there $200 or above. Awesome.  Oh well, at least I get to wear what is going to look okay-ish (at 31wks pg) rather then something that is 900% unflattering. Woot.

2 questions for my currently or PG or past PG bloggy friends..What's the deal w/the dry skin? My cuticles are tearing at the smallest injury..and bleeding..what the? Then on the other end of the spectrum, my face skin is all kinds of broken out (Im pretty sure thats due to all of the increased hormones?) Can I use anything for this? And when does the checking of the TP fizzle out? Im thinking never, cause by the time your "safe" it's time to start checking to see if you're in labor..Hmm. Thats fun. Also, Im just over 7wks, and already have a little bit of a bump. Umm, is that normal?  Oh, and the old goopy vag (from the Prometrium)..defn. puts a damper on the ol sex life..TMI? Maybe =)

Okay, I am crrrraving chinese, so Im gonna make DH take me out to get some =)

Dr. J Visit, I Suck, and Secrets

So yesterday, about 4am, I got up to use the restroom and had this almost tearing/stretching pain in my pelvis, but when I sat down, and after I laid back down, it went away and I didn't think much of it..Until I woke up 3 hrs later and it was all across my pelvis..So I promptly started to freak out. I called the "emergency" number for Dr. J's office and he actually called me back. I explained the pain, and how and when it was happening, that there wasn't anything else going on, and Dr. J told me that he thinks it was "round ligament pain." I was like, this early?! He told me he wasn't concerned, but to come in for an u/s that afternoon..So at 2:15, I was at his office, thinking it'd be like a 30 minute appointment..2 HOURS later...I was nekkid from the waist down and having my ultrasound..and the most beautiful thing happened..I heard Froggy's heartbeat!! OMG!! You guys, it was the most surreal thing in the whole world. I kind of looked around the room, like "what is that" and Dr. J just smiled. I couldn't believe that was really happening. To me. Mrs. I never get past 4-5wks, has a live baby, w/a heartbeat. OMG. Dr. J said everything looked fine and he didn't need to see me for two weeks (when I'll be 8wks5d, but who's counting?). He also gave me the big N-O on coloring my hair (dangit) and that it was fine that I was kind of "pooching" out (my words) he said people grow at different rates. He said he's not 100% on the EDD, since they can only still tell by my LMP, so he says btwn. March 2-4. I'll stick w/the 2nd thank you very much..lol..Okay, so that was the raddest thing ever. We'll get to hear it again at our next appt.

I suck..because Kelly nominated me for an award like a week ago, and I keep working on it, and I just haven't finished it yet. I promise, Im working on it, and I'll get it posted ASAP. Ugh. Im just so tired when I get home, the last few days, I've just crashed. Im actually typing this from work so I can get an entry in...Cause tonight, it's a crash night. I've been nauseated all day, and it just makes me so tired. Anyway, I will post that ASAP

Now, a few secrets. And they're probably gonna make me seem selfish/bitchy, but thats just how it is. I do NOT want to be pregnant at the same time as my SIL. As you know (if you've been following, we don't get along so great, she's kind of an a-hole). She told DH & I that she & her fiance are going to start trying on their wedding night (thank you for that TMI) and I can just see them getting PG after her first cycle or whatever. I just don't want to share this time w/her. I KNOW!! Selfish!! But she is a drama queen over dumb sh*t, like bridesmaids gowns, I cannot imagine how she will be when she is pregnant. And if it happens, I won't be a bitch, but I'll roll my eyes 100x more then I do now. They'll probably roll right out of my head. And another secret that kind of rides of the coattails of that one is that unless you've experience IF or RPL, you have NO idea what a scary time being pregnant is. How you worry all the time, and you can't help it, even when you try to not worry, to be optimistic. Even people that know Dh & I's history still make comments, like this little gem, after I told a person I was ready to be at week 12, and that I set "dates" when things are going to happen (like in Indiana, we have a HUGE state fair, and when it starts I'll be 10wks, etc.) so why did she say "All that worrying is going to make you m/c. It changes your hormones and stuff." WTF?! And there have been other assanine comments like that. It just makes me crazy. And it makes me put myself in someone else's shoes. When Im at Dr. J's, I don't call DH or my mom about our "news", I don't do it until we are out in the parking lot or in the car or something. Cause I know how hard it was to hear other people celebrating while we struggled. Also, another secret, I struggle to "follow" blogs of women that haven't struggled to get PG. I know. Again. Selfish. But I feel like I don't have anything in common with them. We have struggled, we still are. It didn't happen easily for us. IDK.

Okay, back to work I must go. Love you all!!!

Froggy's First Pics =)

Lucky Number 6

One, beautiful baby..In exactly the right place, growing beautifully. We got 3 pictures..one for us & two for the grandparents..It's hard to tell "exactly" what's what..But you can see the sac & inside..the baby..OMG. This is really happening!!! This is the first time I've actually considered myself pregnant. The nurse also showed us that the right ovary is the one that got the job done in June, and showed us how the corpus luteum (I think?) is supporting the baby right now, up until about 9wks when the placenta will take over. I didn't know that's how it worked. Im still having a hard time saying "Im pregnant." IDK. This is an enormous weight lifted though..And they reassured me that the pains I've been feeling are normal, and that the baby is an "over achiever" since I've had symptoms so early..There's still a little bit of fear there..but this U/S helped me kind of get over that hump. Our next appt. is July 19th, when I'll be 7wk5d, and Nurse Laurie said we'll at least get to see the heartbeat!! So excited. Okay, I'll post a pic when I get home!! Thank you so SO much for all of your thoughts and prayers, they mean more to us then you'll ever know!!

Nominated

So I got nominated for an award by the amazing and wonderful Kelly (go visit, she is rad)..But, Im going to post that later..Right now, I am so nervous I can barely type. My hands are freezing (they get that way when Im nervous) and shaking..Tomorrow is our big ultrasound. I literally think I will have to be put in the asylum is everything isn't okay. I don't know that I could come back from that. I am trying so, so hard to be optimistic. Everyone else is. But me..Not so much. In my RPL brain..all I can think about is loss(x5). I just feel sick. Please, just say a prayer for us, and baby froggy. The appt. is tomorrow at 9am. Okay, I have to go lay down...

PS: I defn. had old vomits this morning, so thats a good sign (I think). That's one I could live w/o, but every single symptom, is a blessing.

Combo

So the nausea arrived today..and having to give yourself an injection while kind of heaving, means that it *really* hurts. Im not complaining, in fact, Im kind of loving it. Cause it means the baby is making itself known and settling in. Which is exactly what I want.

We have our U/S on Thursday. Am I freaking out? Oh yes. Pretty much all the time. DH loves it. Gah.

Longer post later.