Almost 2009

I was gonna make this my "year in review" post, but I'll do that after midnight...Right now, we are breaking open our popcorn maker we got for our wedding, watching Jeff Dunham (absolutely hilarious) and then playing PS3 til the ball drops. Hopefully we'll make it to midnight (we get tired so early, it's like we're 80, lol) Oh, and Im eventually making steaks w/onions and mushrooms w/potatoes..then some pink champagne and Mikes Hard. It'll be a good night. Have a safe and happy NYE!!!

It's A Girl!!

Announcing...

Grace Lee
Born: 12-26-08
9lbs. 8oz. 22in.
2:30pm
Ball Memorial Hospital
The delay in the annoucement: My aunt & uncle could NOT agree on a name. He wanted Maisie (rhymes with Daisy) and she wanted Noelle (a Christmas baby). They JUST named her today because they were being released. I've heard she is chubby and has a full head of hair. We'll probably go visit next weekend.

This is my aunt and uncle that I refer to back in June who are not the greatest parents and the same one that was out to here pregnant on Christmas Eve. Her original EDD was 01-09-09, and they induced because A) they wanted the money for taxes (their words, not mine) and B) she was already HUGE. She wouldn't been well over 10lbs if she went naturally. Labor was only 7 hours long and 2 pushes. This is baby #3 so Im sure that helped, because she was in labor for over 20 hours with the other two, plus the first, Wil, had shoulder dystocia, and their 1st daughter, Emma had a collapsed lung, so she was really suprised when they just immedietly put her up on her stomach and she got to keep her. So we are thankful it was a healthy baby and easy delivery (even though that little green jealousy monster is in the back of my head). It does give me hope though because this aunt & uncle had a LOT of trouble conceiving. They tried for 8 years and conceived her first when she was 35, 2nd at 37, and 3rd at 39. So it gives me hope that it can happen..Anyway, thats all for now. I have to get back to doing some "real" work:)

Shopping always helps

So our Moo is here, she just brightens up my world. I can't be in my depressed sadness place when she is here. She literally is like a daughter to us. So we went shopping today..It was fantastic!! The deals are so good. We got probably $200 worth of clothes and Christmas decorations for $54. It was really good. Kohls is my favorite store. I think my family kept them in business this Christmas. They are constantly having a sale. So she is now down for a nap, and then we are headed to E's dad's house for Christmas w/them. Should be a great big ol time. Oh and the bleeding finally stopped and we finally had some post-Christmas lovin. Thank goodness, I was about to loose my mind. It's a really nice day here, over 60 degrees, which is insane seeing as we had an ICE storm earlier this week!! Indiana weather is terrible. I am so ready to move south, where's it's 60 degrees all the time in the winter. And I don't know about you, but after a rain storm near the beach, you can smell the ocean, and thats how it smelled here today. I could almost hear the waves. Im so ready to there. Hopefully E gets the time off in June. Okay, thats all for now, I feel like this post is really scattered. Oh well. Oh and Im doing terribley w/the ICLW this month, I will get back to everyone who commented to me, and read some new blogs, I will for sure do better next month.

Finally

I think Im finally starting to feel better..The only lingering problem is (well besides the no longer being pregnant part) the almost constant headaches. I don't know if it's hormonal or what, but they are making me crazy. I've had one almost every day since the m/c. Oh well, if thats the worst of it, then okay.

I think Im feeling more like myself today then I have in a week. I actually want to go out & do something. We are going to Moo at preschool in about 20 minutes and she is staying with us until Monday morning. We have to do Christmas w/E's dad tomorrow, which will be just tons of fun. Oh, please tell me why I found out some info. about his step-sister, which is really disturbing, and how now E's dad and step-mom are having to pay for their grandaughters Christmas because the parents are addicted to drugs they say they are taking for "back pain." In fact, this medication is used to treat addictions to heroine & cocaine, so E's dad & step-mom are either really naive or they don't care what is going on. It's just a sad situation, and as usual, the kids in that family are paying the price. So tomorrow should be interesting. I can always tell that E's dad has tried to get everyone to be a blended family, but his wife & her 3 daughters are SO resistant. I just don't understand. I mean I know everyone is an adult, but at the same time, they should ACT LIKE adults. E & his sis do try their hardest, but E's dad's wife makes it IMPOSSIBLE. Ugh. Divorce is just ugly.

Okay, I have way more, but we are leaving to get Moo. So more tonight:)

TMI, but there it is

I must vent just real fast. My husband and I haven't had sex since the LAST Thursday!! I haven't really been in the mood (due to the m/c) since last Friday until yesterday and SO much today!!! OMG!!! And I understand why he doesn't want to, but Im about to LOOSE it!! Im still bleeding (7 days, how long do m/c last? The same as a regular period? or longer) and I just want some sex SO bad. I know, what a great Christmas post..Oh well, I just had to vent a little sexual frustration. Maybe thats why I've been staying up so late, cause everytime I get in bed, Iwant to get some. Grr!!! Okay, I must try to get some sleep since we have the Moo tomorrow.

Merry Christmas

The title basically says it all..Merry Christmas!! Have a safe and happy holiday....Love on your family, make sure they know how much they mean to you. And remember why we celebrate this day...More later tonight or tomorrow..For now, we off to E's mom's and then back to celebrate with my parents and then we have Moo tomorrow and we are celebrating with his dad on Saturday. Yesterday was really hard, and I feel like maybe I put other people into a bad mood. I didn't mean to, but I was really struggling and it was hard to keep it all on the inside. I was kind of in a pissy mood and I was exhausted. Next year hopefully I won't be going through this. My husband got me all kinds of fantastic things, I'll give the run down tonight. Merry Christmas!! Have a wonderful day!!

Think of me

This is a semi-bitching post, or a depression post as it were. So tonight was going to be the night we told my parents they were going to be grandparents and Im definitely having a rough time keeping it together. I forgot that my aunt J is out to HERE pregnant and talking about delivering and all that and Im just sad. Church is gonna be rough because it's always emotional for me, more so this year. Ugh, I just want to be a scrooge and go home, but Im keeping on a good front. So keep me in your thoughts. I'll have a happier post later I promise.

Ugh

I am doing terribly w/ICLW this month. I think Im just worn out, or there are nights like tonight when sleep won't come no matter what I do, so Im going to try and play catch up. Today was a pile on the suck day, I don't want every post to be a bitching one, but since this is my blog..
Here it is in bullet formation (and you will learn, if you are new around here, I lurve me some bullet formation)

• The weather outside is frightful: A freak ice storm that was semi-predicted, but not like it should have been. It was horrifyingly (is that a word?) bad. I work in Castleton, and lets just say the traffic is pretty much dead stopped on a good day that isn't the week of Christmas. Add in the ice and sleet and it took me 90 minutes to make a 7 minute drive, and that was OFF the highway. People just forget how to drive when there is any type of precipitation from the sky.
• I was in a shit-ass mood all day long. I don't know if the hormones are finally coming down or what the deal is, but I could not deal with people. Patients and co-workers alike. Also, I know this is bitchy, but sometimes I just listen to people's problems and I think "did your body decide that it didn't want to carry your baby last weekend? Then I don't want to hear your shit, see the doctor and move on." I just feel like you being tired because you just HAD to shop all weekend compares to me being in constant pain, bleeding, and loosing our first child. So there! I know the world doesn't revolve around me, but right now, Im sensitive about my shit.
• I came home, the house is a wreck, my husband has been a little lax about doing his jobs, and I know he is exhausted when he gets home (he works outside) but so am I, and I managed to do 5 loads of laundry, cook dinner, and cook cheesecake for my family's Christmas Eve get together tomorrow night. He came home and immedietly laid on the couch. So we kind of got into it and he got a few things done. I just sometimes feel like Im the one doing EVERYTHING and it's getting old. So I told him just that. We'll see if he was listening.
• I watched the movie White Christmas (we tivoed it) and they cut out almost half of the movie. They only had like 3 of the musical numbers, and it's as MUSICAL so they all should've been in there. I'll just have to buy it when it's on sale on Friday.
• I also watched the Real Housewhores of the OC. Good grief what a bunch of dumb bitches. They seriously make all women look like gold digging morons. It must be hard to live off your husbands money and not have to work a day in your life. Im sorry, but I know women from California who are NOT like this, and it's just giving real women, who might happen to live there a bad name. That said, it is a little addicting.
• Im currently completely addicted to Trading Spouses, Wife Swap, and Nanny 911. Those shows really make you feel better about your own life. And they kind of crack me up.

Okay, thats all for now. I must try and get some sleep since I have to work tomorrow. Night

Thank Y ou

My first real smile since Friday came courtesy of ICLW. It's so nice to have the support of people who don't even know me, and I thank you deeply. Im attempting to move on and not think about the what-if's every day, but I know I still will. I think maybe the constant pain & bleeding kind of make it hard to move on, when that stops, it will be easier. I hope when we have our first live baby he or she will know just how desperately they were loved and wanted before they were born. I think thats the hope of anyone TTC. Some people are just able to "have" babies, but those of us who have to fight for them, I think they are that much more loved. Because when you have to really try and go through pain (and for a lot of people, multiple miscarriages, shots, drugs, constant charting and recording cycles, doctors office visits, tests) the end result is that much more amazing. Thank you, thank you, thank you, for not only caring, but reminding me that life isn't going to get better unless I help it along and come out of this funk. This evening, I will have a "real" update that involves more then just talking about the m/c and wallowing in my anger. Stay tuned.

PS: This is 200th POST!! Wow!! Im so excited..

My Goodness

To everyone that has commented.. I have never felt so loved in all my life. The support from women who don't even know me has be amazing. I literally was moved to tears by all of your comments. It is just really good to know that Im not alone in this and that other people are thinking of me. Can I just tell you something though? The worst pain & bleeding was today. I thought it would all be over by now (I don't remember how long my last one took) but this morning, I thought I was dying the pain was so bad. 3 vico*dins later, and it's still low-lying. Like pain that is there, but in the back of my head. Also, I am so scared that everyone I will never have faith that a postive pee-stick will ever equal a baby. Im terrified, and still so sad about loosing this baby. I had such a great plan to tell everyone, I was going to tell my husband tonight. I barely made it through the picture frame department at Kohls on Saturday, because that's how I was going to tell the would-have-been grandparents. Ugh. This is just sucks. But thank you for thinking of me. Hopefully soon, I will be back to posting about other things, but right now, it's hard. It's like Im in a cloud. And the physical pain is so much that Im just exhausted all the time. I miss you baby.

Welcome Welcome

Since it's a new ICLW...Im going to re-introduce myself to the blogsphere and anyone stopping by.

Name: MrsJoyner
Home: Indiana
Marital Status: Married since 10-04-08
Children: 2 angel babies
TTC: Since the evening of 10-04-08
Blogging: Since May of 2007
A little about me: I am married to a wonderful man, Big E, and we have been ttc since our wedding night. We haven't been charting or using ovulation tests regularly, but we haven't been preventing. I went on BC when I was 15 because of immensley painful and wonky periods. No one ever told me being on BC might be harmful to your fertility if you stay on it for 10 years with no break. So, when I went off in November of 2007 (because my then doctor said it would take a year to get a regular cycle) I figured there's no way it would take that long. Flash forward to now. I've had a regular cycle in Nov/Dec/Jan of 07, then no period until May/June/July of 08, then nothing until..wait for it..my HONEYMOON, in October of 08 and then a regular cycle that started on November 6th. Then, 2 weeks ago a positive test. Elation!! I was planning on telling my husband and our families for Christmas. Then Friday, immense cramping and bleeding. The pregnancy ends at 6wks1day. Im still bitter. This is my 2nd miscarriage, the happening on December 19, 2002, when I was 19 and it was hugely devastating for me then to. I don't do well with loosing babies. So thats me in a nutshell. Usually Im pretty happy-go-lucky but lately, it's Mrs. Bitter Bitch. Was that a long enough introduction for everyone? Hopefully I didn't scare you off. Welcome again.

Ain't that a kick in the head

My last miscarriage....December 19, 2002.
December sucks.

6 Weeks 1 Day

And now it's over.
Went to the doctor, had tests done, was pregnant, am not anymore.
Will retest to make sure HCG is gone in 2 weeks.
In pain, got Vico*din.
Am crushed. I was going to share this news at Christmas.
Had a whole big plan. (Might share what I was going to do anyway later)
Feel like Im in a bubble, a daze, a nightmare.
Only able to think Worse Case Scenario thoughts.
At least I know the reason for the negative tests.
Terrible day.

So here we are

Im 2 weeks late...and testing negative. Please explain this to me.
Symptoms: Sore, bigger boobs, bloated, nausea after meals, extreme fatigue, and obviously, no period. I don't know what to do. I "feel" pregnant, but the tests are saying no. Is it possible to be PG and not test positive? Any and ALL advice would be appreciated on this matter as I am currently freaking out and I don't know what to do. I feel crazy. Like Im grasping at straws.




Oh, and one tiny thing, I had a positive test last week, it was veeery faint, and then, it was gone. Im thinking an evap line? Ughh I feel crazy!!

So Im posting from work

So yeah, we currently have one patient in the office and Im allowed to be online, but lets make this quick. I found this website..www.allreceipes.com and definitely it is awesome. Im making Italian pork chops tonight!! Yeah for being a gourmet cook. Oh and also, I want to submit something to Creme de la Creme on Stirrup Queens, but most of my stuff is just everyday life and not Creme worthy. Read through and let me know what you think! Bigger update later!!

What in the fuck

So here's something that makes me crazy..the WORST people to get pregnant..ALWAYS do. As you will recall, I used to work at a preschool, with mostly lower class (as in pretty poor) families. Which was no big deal, the kids were fantastic. But, we had AT LEAST one alcoholic drug addicted mom, and more then 10 kids who one or both parents were in jail. So, not the best parents. So can you please tell me why the said mom (alcohol/meth) is pregnant but her felon boyfriend and then today I find out that another mom is pregnant by the man who tried to beat her to death last Christmas, that she put in jail and then proceeded to bail out and her ex-husband was in jail for manslaughter. Seriously!? Why can't it be me? My husband and I would be great parents and we are stable, we have income, we aren't hooked on drugs or alcohol or addicted to anything else and ugh. I know. I am completely bitching, we've been trying for like 3 cycles, not very many and I just get pissy. Ugh, Im done bitching for the moment. Well until the negative pee stick that I am sure is inevitable.

Period....

Is Late.












Currently: Have pessimistic thoughts and absolutely NOT POAS. I want to hold onto that hope because I don't think there is anything besides a wonky period going on. The only MAYBE symptoms are very tired and more hungry then usual. I'll POAS if it's not here by the weekend.

Riddle Me This

Okay..Here's the deal, I have a kind of "intimate" question that I really don't want just everyone to read..Well, thats not true, I don't care who reads it, I want to be able to control who responds. So I kind of want to make it password protected..but then Im afraid I won't get any advice. It's nothing nasty, just personal, and usually Im not really shy, but this question involves more then just me, so what do you think? When you see a password protected post, do you ask for the password or is that going through too much work to read the post? And I do need advice, it's not something I can just run to anyone with. It has to do w/having a baby, well lack there of. Also, on that note, ever noticed how when you are trying to have a baby EVERYONE around you is either giving birth or "oh we're so suprised, we got pregnant after 1 month off birth control" or even "well it's a happy accident." I would give ANYTHING for a happy "accident."

This just blows

Today is the our 2 month anniversary..and the day Big E takes the physical for the IMPD test...So it should be a fantastic day..correct!? FAIL!!!

I walked outside this morning to leave for work and realized that Big E's window looked like something was wrong with it. Oh yeah, something was wrong all right. As in, it had been SHATTERED. He left our GPS (which was a wedding gift) in the car last night, as well as all the shit his sister brought down Monday night for him. I must vent for one quick second right here. I tell him every fucking night to bring that GPS in, and usually he does. Last night, he doesn't and not only is it stolen, but for some Godforsaken reason he had TWO checkbooks in the car, which are also, now, missing. Awesome. It's going to cost $145-150 to fix the window, and he has to be on the eastside by 1:30. Yeah, we'll see how that goes. They also stole some Christmas presents (awesome) and some Nike shoes (fantastic). Why does he leave that shit in his car?! I've told him to bring it in, I've told him I would help him etc. Maybe now he'll learn his lesson? (I know, Im a cold hearted bitch and not feeling sorry for him, but he should KNOW this). So the police just called and gave the me the old song and dance about how there's nothing really they can do, here's your case number etc. So thats fun. And on top of it, Im missing work waiting to see if the glass people can fix the window today, or if I need to drive him to his test. Ugh, this makes me so angry. And I thought if we were ever robbed or anything (because one of my greatest fears is being robbed) that I'd be scared..Im just pissed. I hope I meet them on the street so I can stab them with my brand new knife from my Martha Stewart knife set (that was also a wedding present.) Nothing says lovin like being homicidal.

Guess What?!

Announcing...
Dane Lee
6lbs. 12oz. 19in.
10:06 AM
Methodist Hospital


My best friend and Maid of Honor Angel & her fiancee Asher had their baby boy via c-section this morning at 10:06AM!! Woo Hoo!! Im so excited!! Im going to see him tomorrow evening..I was going to go tonight, but she had a reaction to the anesthesia and is still kind of loopy. Im so excited for her. She says he looks like his big sister, who looks just like her daddy!! Anyway, thats my big annoucement for now.

PS: 3 people think Im PG..not one of them is me. (E's stepmom, my mom, and my grandma, whatever)

Guess What It's Doing?!

MySpace glitter graphic: CoolSpaceTricks.com


SNOWING!!! Yay!! Im so excited. I just woke up about 20 minutes ago and it is REALLY coming down. The weather forecasters here are always so off the mark! They said "some snow, starting late Sunday night." Hrm. There is probably already at least 2 inches on the ground and it isn't that wimpy little snow, this is like humongous snowflakes that will be great for building a snowman if it should decide to stay around. But of course, it snows like this the first week I don't work at preschool anymore, so there is NO chance of a snow day. Wah!! But oh well. I just really love it! And I've fallen behind on my commenting, so if you left me one and I haven't stopped by, Im not a snob, I just was extremely busy yesterday, so I will be by sometime today!!

PS: Moo's pictures turned out BEAUTIFULLY! I will post on here when I get them back )12-10)

With a quickness

So, we are trying to get Moo's pictures taken today and dumb me thinks, oh we don't need an appointment..HaHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. Sure we do, and we can't get one til next Saturday at the place I want to go with her..So we are headed to the white trash studio at Walmart. We'll see how it goes. Thats going to be part of Tammy & Rod's Christmas from us. Hopefully they let her change outfits and what not.

So we went shopping yesterday, the first time I've done black Friday shopping in probably 10 years, the last time I did it, it was in Boonville w/my grandparents, who have both passed away. So anyway, there were some GOOD deals. I got a lot of stuff for our house/Christmas tree since we don't have any as of yet, got presents for Moo, mom, dad, Big E, grandma and Lindsey. I still need to get a few other things, but we may be going shopping later today as well. It was really nice to spend time with my mom. It seems like now, that Im moved out and married, spending time with my mom seems to mean more. I don't know. Maybe I just took her for granted before.

Okay..thats all, oh and I don't know how to make/download a layout for my blog (if anyone does, please tell me!!) so I just changed the colors over to Christmasy. Yay!

Thanksgiving

Myspace Comments, Thanksgiving Comments at WishAFriend.com



Psalm 136:1-3
"Give thanks to the Lord for he is good, His love endures forever.
Give thanks to the God of gods, His love endures forever.
Give thanks the the Lord of lords, His love endures forever."



Have a safe and wonderful Thanksgiving holiday. Im cooking my first Thanksgiving dinner ever, so wish me luck (and no I didn't get started this late, I cooked almost everything last night. I just have to do the rolls and finish the turkey!)


**Addition**
Dinner was a COMPLETE success..The food was wonderful (or so everyone says, I say it was darn good) and everyone is sufficiently stuffed. Our garbage disposal decided to take the holiday off and we think we might need a new one, awesome. But the real reason I wanted to add an addition is because I have these two strong baby/PG related feelings (of course, neither is about me.) But 1) I think my aunt, who is PG, and is having a girl, is going to name her Hannah, I don't know, but I've had the feeling since we found out it's a girl. 2) I think, by Christmas, my cousin Megan and her hub Tim, who got married in May, will announce they are PG, and I will commence the utter fakery of being "so happy (squeal)" and then be jealous for the next 9 months or so. So there we are.

I love you

May I just say that i LOVE all the comments I received on my last post?! Yay for ICLW. Im going to participate every month from now on...Seriously..I'll try not to procrastinate :)

So today was my last day at preschool. It was bittersweet. I want to stay because I love *most* of the children and every staff member except the previously mentioned one, but at the same time, I need to use my degree and Im getting a huge pay raise. And I got off early so I could come home and get ready for Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow and you see what Im doing..so thats going well.

So let me tell you what happened today, and you tell me if it's possibly PG symptoms (I don't ever hope, so Im pessimistic)..Last night I had a massive migraine, like I haven't had in months..it lasted all night, and this morning I woke up and was nauseated, dizzy, lightheaded, it was bad. It got a little bit better after I took my migraine medication, but around noon, it all came back and slammed into me like a freight train. It was so bad I thought I was gonna have to go to the hospital. The only thing I could do was lay flat on my back, thats the only way the room would stop spinning. So I figured maybe it was because I hadn't eaten all day, but it only abated a little bit after I had lunch (which I couldn't finish all of, and it was Steak & Shake, my fave, so that is really unusual) anyway, the dizziness is gone, but the only thing keeping the nausea at bay is wintergreen mints, the big kind from CVS (somewhere I heard wintergreen/spearmint can calm stomachs, I don't know where). So while at CVS, I bought a HPT..and it was negative, but I don't expect my period until the 11th or so of December. So it'd be too early for a positive correct? As previously mentioned, I never get my hopes up, so don't be afraid to dash them if this doesn't sound like PG symptoms at all. The last time I was pregnant, I threw up one time, and never had nausea again, but I had a bloodhounds sense of smell. It was awful. So there you go. Advise me please.

Okay, I really need to go. I must leave comments and then clean the whole damn house (because my husband thought it was more important to go look at dogs at the humane society then help out last night, but Im not bitter) and then start cooking. Yay. If Im not on tomorrow, have a great Thanksgiving and thank you so much for making me feel loved!!

Slow Day

Today is a slow day..I don't have very much going on. I know I'll say that and then write a post to rival War & Peace. We'll see. So here's what today was like...I had to work at PS 1250 from 6-11:30 and then off to extern I go. So at work today, one of the other teachers who I have had problems with since the first day she came (and if you read back on my posts, you'll see Im not kidding), got on my case again. We have problems because she is an asshat and Im not. Well, really, she is a know-it-all and I can't STAND that personality trait. She came in, not ever having worked with children from low to lower middle class families. Her husband makes all the money and spoils her etc. You get the picture. So she didn't know shit about the families at our preschool. Anyway, I digress. She is taking over my class after I leave (which makes the parents of my kids, not very happy, it's good to be loved) and today I was cleaning out/off my desk because I don't want to hang around after work Wednesday, cause it'll make me sad and I need to get all the food started for Thursday. So, she comes in late because she had some appointment or some other excuse, and came down and was in my room and said "I need something to do." Mind you, she has her OWN class right now and should be with them. So I gave her a job and she said "Im glad to see you cleaned MY desk off." Look bitch, I'll take the damn desk with me before it becomes YOURS. She also, was like "where are my kids?" I was like, in your CLASSROOM. This is my room/desk/kids etc. until Wednesday night, so BACK OFF!! I will not miss her at all. AT ALL.

So my extern is officially over. I finished 177 hours last week which means....I start getting paid!! YAY!!!! So they paid me today, and are paying me tomorrow, & Saturday and I start FT on Monday!! Hooray!! Im super excited. I got to do back-office work today, which made me so happy, not to mention I really enjoy the people I work with and getting a $4 pay increase isn't so bad either. Im super pumped!!

And on the TTC front...Im expecting a period on the 11th of December, if my cycle maintains it's 27-33 day cycle. I don't feel any kind of pregnant. Only more tired then usual and maybe a little nauseaus, but not everyday. I don't ever get my hopes up..lol. We've just been trying..a LOT. :) TMI and I don't care.

Thats all for now. Im really tired and may go to bed. Yes I realize it's 9:00pm, do you realize I've been up since 4:45 am? Thats one thing I will NOT miss.

Introduction

I know, 2 posts, 1 day, is this the apocalypse? I thought I'd introduce myself to everyone/anyone coming to visit from ICLW..So here I am in bullet formation.

• Name: Mrs.Joyner
• Age: 26
• Home: Indiana
• Marital Status: Married on 10-04-08
• Occupation: CMA
• Husband: Big E,
• TTC: Since the evening of 10-04-08 (maybe TMI, but there it is)
• Im a miscarriage survivor, I got pregnant in October of 2002, I was 19 and in college and it wasn't the best time, but I was excited. I lost the baby almost 12 weeks later, and I was devastated. I may not have KNOWN it was a girl, but I feel in my heart that it was. I don't know if this is weird, but I named her and everything.
• I've always had weird periods. I went on BC when I was 15 (over 10 years ago) because I had very heavy, painful periods and the BC solved those problems. What I didn't realize that it can make going off the patch really hard. I went off the patch in Nov. 2007, because my then fiance' and I had decided we wanted to have kids as soon as we could after we got married. I had a regular period in Nov/Dec/Jan then no period again until May, and then regular ones in May/Jun/July and then not another one until my honeymoon (lucky me) in October. I think I had a regular one in Nov. (it was different then the others thought).
• I've used O-tests and they never came back positive, there were 2 lines, but they weren't "darker then the test line" so who knows.
• Im deathly afraid that I won't be able to get pregnant on my own (or our own as it is). My husband, of course, thinks nothing is wrong and Im just worried that im anovulatory, or just that something else is wrong.
• I know we've only been trying for almost 2 months, I think I just worry to much and I feel like I can relate to women in the IF community.
• My husband and I have our niece Moo-Moo almost every other weekend and usually once during the week. She is our "rent-a-daughter" and we spoil her rotten.
• I love frogs, the color purple, italian food, and cows. Oh, and babies of course
• Thats me in a nutshell. Welcome to my blog!!

Such a fake

So I was sitting here thinking about what I wanted to post today..And the thought came to me while I was reading other IF blogs...because my life is full of mundane shit, but there is just one thing that keeps repeating in my head..Im a FAKE!!! Seriously, I think I am. We've only been TTC for almost 2 months..and Im sad that Im not pregnant, and Im jealous of other people that are..and I worry that this is how it's gonna be. Me not being pregnant and being ugly green w/jealousy of other people that are. There are people that have been trying for YEARS and are still struggling to get their baby. I feel so ridiculous when I read these blogs because I do feel like I can relate and at the same time, I totally cannot. I know what it's like to want a baby so bad it hurts, and I know what it's like to have a miscarriage, but I don't know what it's like to suffer for 1,2 or more years. And what brought this all on? ICLW. Im leaving comments and I don't want the bloggers to come back to my blog and think, wow, she has no idea what I am going through. Should I continue leaving comments? I want other women to know they are supported, even if it's just through a comment I am leaving. And I love to receive comments myself, knowing how awesome it feels to know that maybe, just ONE other person feels the same way I do. But I don't want to come off as being this IF know-it-all, because Im not. I may know a lot about it, but thats only because Im in the medical profession and I read medical stuff all the time, but I don't know the emotional parts. I know how I long to be pregnant and how I worry about having another miscarriage. But thats all I know. I just want anyone who is reading my blog, who has come back from a comment I left to know..I don't know. That you are supported, and loved, and thought about, and that if Im ever in the IF boat, that I have the same support from the same bunch of awesome women.

Sad

So I just found out that a very dear friend of mine has been diagnosed with breast cancer. She is young, 41 I believe. KG made all the flower girl and junior bridesmaid dresses for my wedding and she has pretty much been like a sister to me ever since 2005 when I had her girls in my preschool class. Im pretty much terrified, even though she is putting up a good front. She's known for over a month and I just found out on my birthday. She said she knew at E & I's wedding, but didn't want to say anything (which I wish she would've have) and then didn't mention anything because we were newly married, and bought a new house, etc. I was like, KG, you totally should have told me sooner!! So she had a lumpectomy done about 3 weeks ago and started radiation yesterday. They're hoping that radiation 5 days week for 6 weeks get rid of everything and that they don't have to resort to chemotherapy. They said they got all of it during the lumpectomy, that it was "only" stage 1 and it had not matastisized. What they didn't count on is that during her blood tests they found cells called HER-2. Which is basically part of DNA creates cells that as soon as they come into contact with a cancer cell, they proliferate all over the body, so basically, having the HER-2 cells can be pretty deadly, as she explained it to me. She said she guess getting cancer was good since she never would have known about the HER-2. So she on top of radiation she must take this new drug, that combats the HER-2 for one year. The biggest side effect besides N&V and loss of appetite, is congestive heart failure and cardiomegaly (or enlargement of the heart). So she has to have radioactive idodine scans weekly for a year to make sure nothing is wrong w/her heart. If something is, they have to stop the HER-2 treatments, let her heart heal, and start all over. When I talked to her, she sounded okay, happy because she doesn't have to chemo, pissy becuase, well, she has CANCER. I'd be freaking out. I think maybe she is in a little bit of shock? Or she is holding it together on the inside because 1) her husband is probably loosing his shit (he's like that) and 2) her 2 little girls would be scared, and she is the best momma I know (besides my own) and she would never want them to be worried. So they asked that I come over tonight, they are having a little get together and told me to bring Big E and asked that we watch the girls while they celebrate DG's sisters b-day. I said of course, and can I say, I feel bad if they pay me? All of this treatment, new drugs, surgery has to be costing them a pretty penny. And I know they have great health insurance and aren't hurting for money, but still. So she wants me to come over early, b/f everyone gets there so we can talk. Can I say Im nervous? I don't want to say the wrong thing, but I want her to know Im sympathetic. But I tend to talk in medical mumbo-jumbo when I get nervous. Anyway, please keep her and the family in your prayers. Any comments you send to me will be sent her way.

Ugh today

Im pretty sure I have the flu..Hopefully from the 24 family and not the 5-7 day family. We've had quite a few kids with the stomach flu at preschool and 3 teachers in the last week or so with the 24 hour variety and I was hoping it would pass me up. I felt hot and cold all night, but that happens to me a lot, just not to this degree. So when I woke up this morning and the room was spinning and I wasn't sure if I would make it to the bathroom, I knew something was wrong. I didn't actually get sick, but moving was tough...and I was BURNING up. And at the same time, I was SO cold, and defn. my temperature was 101. So I called and had Tam open for me, which is really good cause at first I couldn't get a hold of her (who likes to be woken up at 5am?) and I was like, shit, if I go in, Im staying since the drive is so far now, but she called me back and said she could open for me. Yay for Tammy. So I just got out of bed, still feeling dizzy, and hot and cold, and it sucks. Can I also mention that last Thursday night I somehow managed to tear the trapezius muscle in my back and that just adds to the fun times of being sick. Im also missing school picture day which makes me sad because the kids always look so cute..But I'd rather stay in bed. Enough of that.

So I joined in for IComLeavWe for November and Im kind of pumped about it. I may have to do my posting on Thursday (Thanksgiving) early in the AM because..Drum roll please..I, not being in my right mind, offered to have Thanksgiving lunch/dinner at our new house. Umm, why didn't anyone talk me out of this? Im yet to even buy the turkey. But I pretty much have my menu figured out and some of the stuff I can make beforehand. But Im SUPER nervous about the turkey and cooking it long enough. People leaving with food posioning after my first Thanksgiving dinner is not what I want them to remember. Anyway, Im excited about getting new comments and new readers and to find new blogs to follow.

On the TTC front..nuthin. Seriously, I haven't done any O-tests for a couple weeks because I was so discontent with them. I feel like my body is broken, and I know, I shouldn't be complaining because we've only been trying for a couple of months, but I wanted to surprise everyone with a Christmas baby annoucement. I don't see that happening. Of course, my husband thinks that Im home sick today because Im pregnant, which he thinks any weird quirk=pregnancy. Im like, um, a positive pregnancy test=pregnancy. Not to mention in order to have a baby you have to be having sex, and we have both just been bushed when we get home. We haven't done that since Saturday, but it was 4x this weekend. So that should hold us over. Oh, and once on Monday. Anyway, TMI as always.

Okay, back to bed I go.

PS: I am soooo pissed!! I just deleted all my blinkies and all that stuff trying to delete my birthday countdown thing. UGHH.

Birthday

Today I start my 26th year of life..and basically..Im pretty much where I saw myself at age 16. I remember it clear as day..Thanksgiving the year I turned 16. My uncle asked me when I saw myself getting married, having a career and starting a family. I said "between 25 and 26." I told him I wanted to finish school before I did anything else. I remember that he told me that was a really good idea. Fast forward ten years. Now Im married, we're trying to start a family and I graduate next month. I never thought God would bring my original thought to complete fruition. It's pretty amazing when you think about it .

Today I felt celebrated, and thats a feeling one doesnt get much. My moo got me gifts as well as my dear husband E, Mrs. Shirley, K&J, and my mom and dad. We just got back from dinner at Maggiano's, which was PHENOMENAL!! It was just a really good day and I feel blessed to be starting my 26th year this well!!

Well, so Im dumb

I guess Im the dumb one, cause my counter was right. Technically, my birthday is in about 12 hours...12am on the 18th, so there we go. Okay, did I actually just have 2 posts about my counter?! Yikes.

My counter is a re-re

Please tell me why that counter for my bday (at the bottom of the page) says my birthday is 1 day 14 hours away? My b-day is 11-18, so wouldn't that be 2 days away? I don't know. I just know Im annoyed.

TMI

This may be TMI for some of you....but my husband and I just had FANTASTIC sex!! LOL..We've kind of been on a dry spell because he just started a new job which entails him doing about 10-15 miles of walking a day, outside for most of it, and he is EXHAUSTED!! We've had sex 3x in the last 9 days...and I was so FRUSTRATED. I was like, you WILL bleep me now!!. In our house, our code word is "coloring" (i.e. we use it when Moo is around). Oh my goodness, mindblowing. So TMI for the majority of you, Im sure, I just had to share. Oh, and tell me why my husband thinks mind-blowing sex=pregnant. Im like, umm, no honey, many people have conceived with just mediocre sex, or tired sex, or we have to sex. It's not the sex. Men, awesome brains they have.

Anyway...Today was Cristal's last day, and she had just been pissing everyone off (except me, cause I don't care about her drama) and she didn't come in because we didn't have that many kids and she was really sad. She doesn't want to leave because (in her home life) she is just leaving one bad situation to move into another. My mom kept asking her if she really wanted to leave but her mind was made up. And that made me think about how next week is my last full week at preschool. My last day is Wednesday the 26th. And you know what's funny? I haven't told anyone, and not because it's some big deal, but I think Im kind of in denial. Just delaying the inevitable, I know. But Im going to be so sad PS 1250 has been my home for 3 years. And there have been some shitty times, but the good outweighs the bad by so much. I am by far, the most upset and worried even that I won't be seeing Moo every day. She is my light and I will miss her so much. Thinking about it gets me worked up. I know we'll have her over all the time, but it's not the same. I don't know, I dont want to think about it anymore.

So last night, after the Preschool Thanksgiving Dinner (which was phenomenal, and I of course forgot to charge my camera battery so I of course didn't get any pics) we came home and I was in bed and I reached to turn off the light on the night stand and felt a tearing pain. It hurt so much that I was kind of like curling up and trying to make it go away and E thought I was having a seizure..oops. And it calmed down, but never went away, so I slept sitting up. It was AWFUL this morning, I had numbness in my right hand, pain shooting across my back, couldn't lift my arms or any babies. So I got an urgent doctors appointment and it turns out I tore the trapezius muscle in my back on the right side. Nice. The doc said it could take up to 6mos to fully heal. Fantastic. So he gave me Darvocet & Skelaxin (Im not quite sure what that is, except that it is a muscle relaxer) and told me to keep moist heat on it. It still hurts quite a bit.

Okay, that is all for now, oh no wait. On of my preschool parents, Cristina, is pregnant (again) her youngest turned 1 on Monday and so this baby was a surprise because her oldest is 9. She found out it is her 3rd BOY yesterday!! So congratulations to them. Okay, thats it for real for now.

PS: Just kidding! Thank you for the comments btw. They are really helpful!!

Negative

Pregnancy symptoms does not a pregnancy make. I had my kind of period last week. Apparently, it wasn't implantation bleeding it was just a weird period. I've had weird cravings, been exhausted, abnormally thirsty and therefore peeing ALL THE TIME. I thought I was, but I think in my heart, I knew I wasn't. And I KNOW I shouldn't complain, because we've only been trying for not quite 2 months, but STILL. I wanted to get to surprise the would-be grandparents at Christmas and I just feel broken. And Im worried because my periods are so wonky, that we are gonnna have to do IUI or IVF or Clomid or something and I know there are WORSE things, but I would like to just be able to do this on our own. And I know worrying or stressing out isn't going to help things, I just think Im thinking too much about it. So internet, here's a question, I've heard that you ovulate in basically the middle of your cycle, usually on a 28 day cycle, days 7-14? I don't know how many days my cycle is since this last one was 29 or 30 days but the one before that was over 60. I've also heard that the best time to conceive is the week after your period. So what do I do? I've been using those fertility monitors, but I never saw the line get as dark or darker then the test line. I thought I was ovulating and feeling the ovulation pains, but the monitor said no. So I'd like to know when the best time to TTC (besides having sex as often as possible) is. Any and all advice is appreciated.

Dummy

So last night, there I was reading my book before I go to bed as I usually do. Said book is Stephen Kings latest "Duma Key." Which started out as a VERY good read, not at all scary, just fascinating, then about page 300, it took a startling, but necessary to the story turn. And I kept reading, not realizing how it was freaking me out. I stopped reading about 100 pages later, turned to my husband, who was SOUND asleep, and said, hey, Big E, wake up and hold me because this book freaked me out. He looked at me like I was crazy and started cracking up. "A BOOK freaked you out? Why did you keep reading if it got scary? You are a dummy." Yes sir, I am, now shut up and hold me.

Weekend Update..now in list form

This week was pretty good. Nothing to major..So w/o further ado

1. I started what I think was my period on Friday (all by myself) it's the second one in a row. So yay (kind of minus the part about wanting to be pregnant). The reason I say I think is because I had the killer cramps and migraine and 2 days of semi-heavy bleeding (sorry for the TMI) but it's kind of just stopped. And thats how it was in July. Just light bleeding. I don't know, I hope, unfortunately, that this was a regular period because getting on a normal menstrual cycle would be fantastic. The other thing that sucks is that I tried to use those ovulation tests around the time I thought I ovulated, and they never showed me ovulating, so thats special. We'll see next month I guess (And I know this sounds so dumb, but I really wanted to be pregnant by Christmas so we could suprise our families. I shouldn't be so surprise, many people take awhile to get pregnant, Im just disappointed).
2. Moo-Moo came over Saturday. She is so funny. She is just the love of my life (besides E) and we love her like she is our own. Have I mentioned that for her 4th b-day we are all going to Gulf Shores (most likely, me, Big E, and my parents and moo. We'll get a condo place and Tam & Rod have already given us the okay). Have I ever given the background on Moo? Well here is a brief synopsis, mom & dad addicted to cocaine & heroine, Moo born addicted to crack, born 6wks. early all of 4lbs. Spent 6 wks. in the NICU. Mom and dad signed away parental rights to paternal grandparents (Tam & Rod). Dad still lives at home w/Tam & Rod since Rod can't seem to kick him out. Dad is still on drugs, has a HEAVY criminal record (felonies, misdemeanors etc) and "runs away" all the time. Fast forward to May 2007, Mom is found dead at Dad's house (suicide given as the reason for death, foul play? Unknown). Moo is basically an orphan. Mamaw & Papaw (Tam & Rod) are taking care of her and then she comes to preschool and meets me. She and I have an INSTANT bond. Like mom & daughter would. She reminds me of the little girl that I lost and I think I remind her of her momma. So there you have it. My surrogate daughter (or rent-a-daughter as mamaw called her). So yeah, basically, I love her and so does E. He is SO, SO good with her and she has decided that we need to have a baby and she will be the big sister. Lol. Fantastic. Ahh my moo-moo.
3. We are keeping the Camry. Basically, we had to dick around w/the people at Toyota, we get exceptionally bad customer service and are planning to call Toyota direct and the BBB, but we ADORE the car and my parents offered to give us a loan ($2500) that we will begin paying back after the first of the year (just so we can figure out how much we will be making with our new jobs). This is good news for 2 reasons 1) interest free and 2) not on our credit report. Thats all I have to say about that because Butler Toyota makes me sick.
4. We are getting VERY close on many of my friends EDD's. Here's the rundown
--> Melissa & Daniel: EDD Thanksgiving Day or 11/27/08 (as of today, there was nothing going on, but she's definitely dropped)
-->Angel & Asher: EDD 12/04/08 (but she was supposed to find out on the 6th when her c-section is planned for)
--> Mike & Amanda: EDD 01/04/09
--> Janis & Chris: EDD 01/09/09 (I think they had an ultrasound and it's another girl, Im not sure)
Still to come....
-->Manuel & Cristina: EDD 03/15/09 (her ultrasound is tomorrow to find out the sex)
--> Janelle & Jeremy: EDD 03/31/09
And my own opinion
--> Megan & Tim: They will get pregnant sometime in the near future, I expect an annoucement at Christmas time, I don't know why I just have this feeling
--> Whitney & Chuck: Same, they've been married just over a year, and I expect an annoucement from them in the Spring

Hopefully E & I can add to that list. We'll just have to wait and see. Now I came into school to do some work so I better get to it.

THIS JUST IN: Angel will being going in for her c-section on 12/01/08 at 8:30am..So exciting!!

A yay day

So yesterday was sucky and today was better....

So I DEFN. have health insurance. REAL health insurance. Im so excited. E's work covers me and we have COBRA until his new insurance kicks in..Which means me to two big pieces of new..E and I are both starting new jobs!!! His last day at RAC is tomorrow. He begins working w/Vectren on Monday..a week of training and then off he goes. Vectren is who does meter reading etc for Hamilton County. He will begin as a meter reader, and hopefully work his way up. It is a pay cut of abotu $50 a week, which is quite a bit per month, but he does get paid $500-1000/mo. for the driving that he does. Gas money which we did not have before. Hopefully we will have either figured out what is going on with Toyota by Monday or E will have another newish car, because his truck gets gawdawful gas mileage. Also today, I received my formal job offer for my MA job that I have been externing at!!! Internet, you are the first (besides my husband) to hear this....tentatively the last day at preschool will be Wednesday 11-26-08. I would be making it the 28th, but I have asked for that day off. I will begin working FT as an MA on 12-01-08!! I am so freaking excited. I can't even tell you. Being in the medical field is something that I've wanted to do for SO LONG, it's so great to finalize realize a dream. I will graduate with my associates of applied science next month. I cannot WAIT to be out of IBC. I have learned that not only am I good w/the patient's, but I am also REALLY good at the front office stuff. My boss is planning on making me the person that is in charge of all the insurance verifications and whatnot in that department. My advisor thinks that I should get my bachelors in Healthcare Administration and Im actually thinking of taking her up on it. The only problem is that E & I want to have a baby and I really would like a break from school for the time being. Would it be easier to do nursing if I had this degree? I don't know. Thats the bachelors degree that I really want, but we'll see what time brings. If Im not pregnant by January, I'll prob. just go back to school. I am getting a $4/hr. pay INCREASE, so thank you Lord for that because we need it. Anyway, thats been my day today, much better then yesterday. Hooray!!


Oh, I need to add a PS: So I don't really care who you voted for as long as you are educated on your candidate and are willing to listen to another person's position on why they voted the way they did. There is one woman at work, who I have multiple issues with, who was spouting fucking nonsense about the presidential election. She didnt even VOTE!!! How could you not vote in an election of this importance? And also, if you don't vote, you don't get to bitch. But she has ABSOLUTELY no idea of any of Obama's stance on issues nor McCains. She hates gay people and was raising hell when I told her that I am middle of the road. I believe in gay marriage, I don't believe in partial birth abortions ( I have issues with abortion in general, because I believe it is murder, but as a victim and survivor of rape, Im sorry, but if I had gotten pregnant that way, I would have aborted) and she just went batshit bonkers on me, in front of my students. I had to make her leave my classroom because she was such an asshole!!! Ugh, uneducated people, who just spout nonsense trying to sound smart, aggrevate me to no end.

SUCK

So today was a SUPER SUCKY day. With no further ado, in numbered formation...
1. E & I purchased a new (to us) 2005 Toyota Camry 1 week ago. I remember exactly because I was off sick from work and E dragged me to go get a new car. So anyway, we were approved ON THE SPOT, for 0% APR for the first 6 mos and then 0.3% for the duration of the loan and zero money down. Today, they called me and then E to tell us that they need $2500 DOWN or they are taking the car back SATURDAY. The only thing they said even near this was that if we didn't make our monthly payments, they would repo the car. We haven't even made ONE payment. So we've talked to 1 lawyer, and 1 MaCo judge who have both said they would look over our paperwork and let us know what to do. I say we just give the car back and use E's dad's GM discount and get a GM. Which is what I said to do the whole time!!!!!! But of course, what do I know? Anyway, I digress. So right now, it's just principle because, um, we don't have an extra $2500. So who knows.
2. My cell phone started fucking up and it took 30 minutes to figure out what the problem was, which is why I was at work til almost 7pm. Ughh..At least that we got figured out, but still it is a less then 2 week old phone, it shouldn't have these problems.
3. Cristal my co-teacher was out today w/the stomach flu and that sucked because taking care of all those damn babies is hard. I cannot wait to be finished with preschool, seriously. There are a few kids that I just can't stand. I know that might sound bad, but they test my patience every fucking day, and I know thats part of being a teacher, but still.


Okay, thats all my bitching for today. I just want to go upstairs and read Duma Key. Thinking of that, did you hear that Michael Crichton passed away today? Too sad.

Election 08

I am not for Obama, I am not for McCain, but I did vote for the person I feel like I lean the most towards. I feel like I am MOST in tune w/Ms. Clinton, alas, she was not a choice...Should I have done a write in? Obama's tax plan is terrible, but so is McCain's health care plan. And on the other hand, why did we even have an election? According to the talking heads, which are the majority of the left wing media, Obama won as soon as he was named the candidate. I think biased coverage and reporting is wrong and shouldn't be tolerated, even though it is. I will say that I don't think Obama is the best choice, he wants to bring down the middle class and not raise up the lower class. But I also know that McCain's plan aren't very solid either. This is an election that is literally making my stomach turn. Im just ready for it to be over. Seriously.

Ugh

Im sorry I've been so lax in posting. Getting married, getting a new house, unpacking etc, is a lot of work. Not to mention working and doing my externship, plus doing all the housework, it's just A LOT. But I am trying to get better. E and I have talked and he is pitching in more, thank God since I was about to have a breakdown. He's had 2 job offers and we are just waiting to see which one is going to pay more. He'll either be in Noblesville or Indy (near our new house) which is SO much better then driving all the way to Anderson twice a day. We bought a new (to us) car on Thursday (an 05 Toyota Camry) it's lovely and he needed it so much, but all the bills=tough finances and I never thought this would happen, but Im the one in charge of the bills and money around here because E can't seem to calculate his spending correctly. We're just busy and unfortunately, as far as I know, not yet pregnant. In fact, I don't think I've even ovulated yet. I thought I did on Tuesday or Wednesday this week, but the OV predictor said no, so I don't know. As soon as our new insurance kicks in (which should be Wednesday) Im headed to a new PCP and from there an OB/GYN. I'll have to explain all of that later. Right now, Im hungry and need sustanance. More later, I PROMISE!!!

And we're back

So we got cable and the internet in the house today..Thank goodness...My mailbox was FULL!!! I've been trying to check my email at my extern site (which I've been told is fine, but I still feel kind of bad doing it) and I can't go over to my mom & dad's all the damn time to check my email. So E was off today and the cable guy came and hooked it up. We have cable in the master bedroom and downstairs plus wireless internet throughout the house for about $75/month, and thats a super good price.

So Im pretty sure my period is FINALLY over...In the TMI department..this was the longest and heaviest period I've had since BEFORE I went on BC (which was when I was 15). It was extremely painful as well. It reminded me why I went on BC. Long cycles, horrible cramps and tons of blood. Im a little bit anemic from the amount of blood that I've lost. It's not good news. BUT, Im glad my body decided to have a period all by itself, even though it's been over 60 days since my "period." I really don't know if what happened in July was a period or not. I bled, very lightly for 2 days (the 18th & the 19th) and I had regular periods in May & June and it was around the same time I would have expected a period in July. But then I had not period whatsoever in August or September. So I don't know. Im hoping this one is "normal." I was having 31-33 day cycles, so I think I'll ovulate sometime next week. I bought ovulation predictors since my cycle is so wacky. It was $15 for SEVEN. So I better get it right. I need to buy the ones off the computer but Im not sure where you go. Is there an ovulation predictor e-store? Also, E keeps being off and on about having a baby. 2 days ago he was super excited, couldn't wait to get pregnant, and then last night he "wasn't sure." But at the same time, he doesn't want to take an precautions so that we don't have a baby and was with me when I bought the o-predictor tests. So I don't know. I think he's nervous about what a big step a baby would be. It would mean HE would have to grow up. We'll see what happened.

I also forgot to mention..My good friend Becca had her baby boy, Allen Dean on September 27th. He was about 3 weeks earlier, he was due October 15th. He weighed 6lbs 7oz with lots of beautiful black hair..So congratulations to Becca & Jeremy!!!!

Okay, I believe that is all for now. E is working until midnight in Middletown (such an original name for a town) and I need to go to bed. Im exhausted. Night

Im a MRS

Im back and Im a married lady!!! YAY!! The wedding was phenomenal. I can't even begin to tell you how beautiful and awesome and amazing it was. I just, there aren't even words. There were about 200 people and we danced all night long, the food was amazing, the bridesmaid were gorgeous, my dress was HOT, but I just can't describe it. It was just fantastic. I couldn't have asked for anything more. I have about a jillion thank you notes to do. We just got back from Gatlinburg about 30 minutes ago, which was also awesome. And let me tell you a little secret, we thought, for about 2 days that I was PG (cause we had sex a few days before our wedding, but don't tell) and as it turns out, it was just PMS. NICE. I haven't had a period since June/July and I get it on my HONEYMOON!? OMG!! Terrible. At least it came at the end of the week instead of the beginning, cause that would have really sucked. On top of that, I was SUPER emotional last Sunday and Monday, crying for no reason etc. It really scared Evan..lol cause I am not a crier. I think the enormity of what we had done just hit me, and I wasn't upset or nervous, I think I just held it all in for weeks and it just manifested in tears, but I also felt sick for two days, so bad that we had to find a doctor in Pigeon Forge, TN and they said I had viral gastroenteritis, or a fancy word for the stomach flu. So they gave me some meds for that and I felt much better. It was a really fun week and we are planning on going back for our 1 year anniversary. So I am finally allowed to say, we are trying to have a baby!!! Evan wasn't sure if he wanted to start trying so soon, but we talked about it on the honeymoon, while we thought I was pregnant, and he said "you know, I really would like to have a baby." So I guess that puts me in the TTC process, and I am excited about it. This was the 1st time I was really sad to see my period. I wanted to have a honeymoon baby, but thats okay. Since my periods are so off (I had some bleeding in July, but it wasn't a real period) apparently I have like 70 day cycles, ttc could be a challenge for us, and I know that the doctors arent gonna do anything until we've been trying for a year, but I may still get set up with an ob/gyn since I have "real" insurance now. Hopefully w/in the next 2 weeks we will get the internet set up at our house so that I can update more often. Now, Im off to read my favorites and see how everyone is doing.

So yeah, TOMORROW

TOMORROW is our WEDDING DAY!!! OMG The nerves have completely kicked in. I haven't eaten hardly anything today and when I have I've felt sick to my stomach, and I am exhausted, seriously. But Im so ready to be married, really, and kind of ready for all this to be over. And Im not excited yet because of the illness/anxiety/exhaustion, but I will be tomorrow. Anyway, thats all for now, because I have to go to the rehearsal.

7 days and a new address

So we moved into our own place yesterday...ALL DAMN DAY!! Good grief. I mean, I only moved one room FULL of stuff (plus the majority of our wedding gifts) and it took all day. Seriously. And we're still not done. Evan still has to get some stuff from his dads house and his storage unit. And I still have to finish packing up my room and making sure we get my mattress to the house tonight (because Evan's mattress, sucks big time). Also, the wedding, the one I've been counting down since the beginning of time, is SEVEN DAYS AWAY!!! We still haven't picked out a cake (correction, we picked out a cake, the leaves would be an extra $500 to put on the cake so we nixed that idea) and we still have what feels like 50 jillion things to do. Not to mention that I have Moo-Moo with me and all of you parents that have moved with small children now have my undying adoration. Seriously, cause she almost made me crazy last night. She is so loving that I can't stay mad at her, but I defnitely got frustrated. But anyway, thats all for now. My blogging will be sporadic at best for the next couple of weeks because of this next week being wedding week, not having internet at the new house yet and then going on the honeymoon. So, I'll check in tomorrow. Lurve you all!!

Umm..

Puh-lease tell me it is currently 12:34 in the AM and I am STILL awake!!! Seriously? This is geting ridiculous. I was EXHAUSTED (but not hung-over, because I rock) all day, and now, when it's sleepy-time, I can't sleep. Magical. Ugh. My body is a fucking moron. Now, my thoughts in numbered form because I know you are all waiting w/baited breath to see what when on w/me this weekend.
1. I got my first chiropractic adjustment on Saturday. I am currently extern w/a chiropractor who is AMAZING (and so scatterbrained, I love it). Unfortunately, it's more of a "homeopathic" type of deal and they don't do things like say, UA, blood draw, prescriptions. They do, MFR (myofacial release, or a medical term for massage) and adjustments and x-rays. Oh and tell me why I got an x-ray lesson is about 10 minutes that people pay good money and a long time in school to get. Just a thought. But anyway, this is not my favorite thing. I would love to be in an OB/GYN office or an RE (reproductive endocrinologist), but I very much like this doctor and the location is fantastic. So dear internet, what do I do? Oh and to add to the fun story, for most MA jobs you have to have experience, which you only get from working a MA job which you can't get w/o experience. Notice the problematic circle. So any advice? Throw it my way.
2. My bachelorette party was the most fun I've had a in long time and I was at the perfect drunken state. I was past buzzed, but not to the vomitting stage. And I interspersed the alcoholic drinks w/water, therefore not getting dehydrated and feeling pretty okay this morning. So I will post pictures soon (I know I always say that, but for real, I will).
3. Okay..thats all for now, there's more to my weekend but Im sleepy. Etc.

Do you know what today is?!

Today is my bachelorette party!!!!! It also means the wedding is only FOURTEEN DAYS away...OMG!!! Finals are over, I passed all my classes, and I can finally get excited about getting married (don't get me wrong, I've been excited about getting married all along, it's just school, is a downer..lol). Tonight, everything is a surprise. I don't know where we are going or what it entails. I just know that it is going to be a drunk-fest (well all except for my MOH, who is currently 7 months pregnant, so..) Im going to try not to get so drunk that I get sick (because I don't do vomit) but enough drunk that Im buzzed. My only problem, I usually go to bed at like 10pm every night..cause Im boring and because I have to be up at 5AM. So me staying up past like midnight is gonna be a stretch (I know, I suck). But we'll see. All the details and more then likely pictures will be added tomorrow!!

So a few things..

1. In that one post about not wanting to waste a year to start getting fertility help I also said I don't want to be 35 and having my first kid...well it made me sound like Im 34...Im not, defn. 25, don't know why that bothered me, it just did, so now, all better.
2. Is there a better word for stressed the absolute fuck out, then that? If so, Im so there. Seriously.
3. Finals are *almost* over. I took my two clinical finals and now I just have to take my online class final which hopefully will be MUCH easier. We'll see how it goes. That Im putting off until tomorrow night, so congratulations to me.
4. The bachelorette party=this WEEKEND. I feel like I might just have to drunk post it'll be good times.

Intervention

Tell me why I have my HUGE clinical II final exam and I am sitting here watching A&E's show Intervention on You Tube..Hmm, what is wrong w/me? I think I've psyched myself into thinking that between 12 & 5:30 tomorrow I can get some heavy duty studying done. We'll see if I snap out of it.

Felicidades!!!!

FELICIDADES!!!!

Please go here and read about letting the cat out of the bag, and then follow the link to read the big news. Im so excited I have a perma-grin!!!

Congratulations Mrs. E_Sharp..For now and the next 7 months!!

I feel the need to post..yay

So Im sitting after my first day of my externship and I feel the need to post an update as to my world, at the moment...But in a short (maybe) numbered list.



1. The wedding is 3 weeks away..Holy crap! I still feel like there is so much to do, not unlike last week..LOL..We are still receiving RSVP's (isnt that nice) I will seriously, return every RSVP Im sent, whether it's a yes or no. It's no fun (and is kind of ghetto) having to chase people down to get their answer.

2. E's dad is still an asshat. For serious. Last week he made some uncalled for comments and I'd love to just uninvite him from the whole thing, but it is E's dad, so no dice.

3. I started my externship today. Im at a chiroprator's office, which is not really my cup of tea because your not doing the "usual" MA stuff, such as blood draws, injections, vitals, etc. But on the other hand, the doctor is AMAZING. I really like her and she really likes me and we mesh well. The other problem is that if she wants to hire me, she only works 3 days a week, which is fine if you are making a doctor's salary, but not so good if you are making a MA's salary. If I would get hired there, I'd also have to stay at preschool. Which is SO NOT what I want to do. Because driving from Nora, to almost Avon, to Castleton, and home, is a ton of gas, especially with it being almost $5.00/gallon. Ughh. Hopefully she can work with me and have me come in at least 4 days a week. It's just a tough call. Do I talk to my advisor and go somewhere else or try to make this work?

4. Everyone around me is pregnant/having a baby. My friend Lara delivered Collin James on September 4th, (8lbs. 9oz), and Leighanne delivered LaCorian Dewuan on August 2nd. Pregnant currently..Becca & Jeremy (EDD 10-15-08, boy), Kreshia ( EDD 11-28-08, boy), Angel & Asher (EDD 12-04-08, boy), Amanda & Mike (EDD 01-04-09, girl), Janis & Chris (EDD 01-09-09, ?). I want to be pregnant so bad, hopefully it happens on the honeymoon, but I don't know. My cycles have been screwy since I went off BC last November. The doctor said they should regulate w/in a year. So here's my question, can one have an 80-90 day cycle? I had a period in Nov/Dec/Jan, then no period in Feb/Mar/Apr, then a medically induced one in May, a regular one in June and on in July. None in August or so far in September. Is it possible to go that long and be "normal?" I don't currently have health insurance, I KNOW, but I will after we get married. And I also know that most likely, the doctor isnt going to give us any help, fertility-wise, until after we have done the year of trying. Is it selfish to say that I don't want to waste a year? I don't want to be 35 when I have my first child. Any and all advice would be appreciated.

5. We still haven't heard from our family in League City. Kemah, & Galveston Bay were basically destroyed by Ike, and those 2 places are just miles away from where they live. We are hoping to hear something sometime today. Please keep them in your prayers.





Okay..I think thats all for now. Im gonna revamp the colors on here ASAP to get ready for fall and most likely add new blinkies and countdown things.. Yay.

Jeez

Please send up some prayers.....We have family in League City, Texas, which is right, almost directly, outside of Galveston, where, in a few hours, Hurricane Ike is supposed to hit. We haven't been able to get through to her all day because the phones lines have been busy/dead. We don't know if they have evacuated or anything..We are waiting to hear from her, hopefully soon. So please, if you could, send up your prayers. We need them, we are worried sick, and I know they are worried themselves to have to evacuate. They had some damage from Hurricane Katrina 3 years ago, so this is just another blast. Ugh...Please pray!!

4 weeks..

OMG..The wedding is exactly 4 weeks from today! I literally feel like I still have so much to do..
This weekend I have Moo-Moo so she can go to my 2nd shower w/me since she missed the first. It's like having my own little girl..I just love her so much...And tell me why my dad was like "So, are you going to be bringing me on of those next Christmas?!" I really hope so. I want to have a baby so bad, it's just, well you know my fears. Not being able to conceive easily..etc. I know, think good thoughts and all that crap, but it doesn't always happen. In fact, I think Im ovulating & not having a period..Does that happen? Anyway, back to the wedding stuff. Today I want w/Angel & Candice to look at their dresses while they got sized. And may I just say, the colors look FANTASTIC!! OMG!! But, neither of their dresses fit. Candice's was TOOOOO big and Angel was too big up top & too small around back because of her baby belly. So it was kind of a waste of tiem and I will NEVER suggest Posie Patch Bridal Superstore in Castleton because the customer service is atrocious, but anyway, w/Angel's dress, we went in to have it sized at the beginning of August and they told her to wait until the 1st or 2nd week of September just so we could have a better idea of what size her belly would be (she's currently about 27 weeks pregnant.) In the meantime, they said they would let out the sides so that when she came back the dress would be as big as it could go so the seamstress could measure her from there (so basically it was a worthless trip, but I digress). So we went back today and, surprise, the seams had not been let out, therefore, the seamstress has to let them out, because no one informed her that the dress had to be let out. There was no way she could measure Angel because the dress wouldn't zip up the back. So Angel has to go back on the 11th and she and Candice both have their final fitting on the 27th!! And just a little FYI, if you'll notice the 27th is only 1 WEEK from teh wedding date. I cannot believe they don't have anything earlier. I also have to wait until the 24th to have my final fitting on my dress because she had NO open Saturdays and I was not gonna wait until the week before the wedding for my dress (since al the work has to be done on the bodice, and that is where all the beading is, it's pretty labor intensive) so thats fun. I really had a freaking out moment in the middle of the bridal store when they said she needed 2 more fittings and both girls were having their last fitting 7 days before the wedding. I almost hyperventilated, but it was okay. We also met w/the cater today. So far we have received about 100 yes responses to the wedding, we expect 50 or so more by the time the wedding rolls around, but people are really lax in responding. Im going to remember that if I ever get invited to something that has an RSVP. It's really stressful waiting to see who is going to show up. We invited 250+ people, so you can see why were a little bit worried. And we will get ghetto and call people the week before the wedding to see if they are coming. Anyway, my mom, Moo, and I went to JB's and we got our cake ordered, and it's going to be SO pretty, and we chose the menu, the linens, how the room will be set up etc. It was a productive meeting and then we had lunch there and I way over ate (as always). The quote from the cater was about $3000 less than my mom and I had thought but about $1000 more than my dad had thought..LOL..oops. I think my parents are going to have to loan E &I money to cover the bar service because although he currently has $4500 in his paypal account, it's locked because they are doing "random" audits and want to check EVERYTHING he has sold in the past 30 days and they think "maybe" it will be unlocked by the 20th of this month, so that blows. But we are doing what they call a consumption bar service, where we pay the set-up fee of $425 and then a $1000 minimum. If anyone drinks over that, then we pay for what they drink over. We don't think anyone will, and that way we can have an open bar that will only be $1425 instead of upwards of $3400. Okay..thats all for now..Im exhausted. I have been running on about 5 hours of sleep a night and I must go to bed since my shower is tomorrow and yawning through it probably isn't the best idea.

Felicidades!!!!

So I just got this BIG news from my friend Becca...............


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YAY!!! My friend Becca worked at the preschool last summer and was/is amazing!! She & her fiancee Jeremy got married on January 5th and are expecting a BABY BOY on October 15th..She said "yeah I know, a honeymoon baby!!" How exciting!!! She's probably caring right out front because she is super tall and thin and probably looks like a basketball. I haven't seen her in 4 or 5 months. Im so excited.. Babies everywhere...I hope I get pregnant on my honeymoon

Im so busy

Jeez..I need to update more than once a millienum. Anyway..very quickly..Pray for those in the New Orleans/Mississippi area that they don't get blasted by Gustav like they were for Katrina. Let it just pass them or hit off in the ocean or something. 2 category 3+ hurricanes in 3 years is a A LOT!!!




There'll be a better update later

Thank you thank you thank you

The results are in.....The baby tested NEGATIVE for trisomy 18!!!!!!!! I am beyond excited..Angel was deliriously happy in class this evening. It couldn't have been better news!! Thank you so much for all of your well-wishes, thoughts, prayers, etc. She is forever greatful. When she called me with the news, my heart almost beat out of my chest. She was just glowing this evening..And they've chosen a name, Parker Lee. To be born most likely by c-section the last week of November...So Im super excited!! Once again, thank you for everything!!

There are no words

My very best friend and Maid of Honor, Angel, had an AFP test done 10 days ago that came back with abnormal results. The blood test today came back that the baby (a boy) has a 1 in 4 chance of having Trisomy 18. The 3D ultrasound done, however, showed absolutely NO markers of the disease. She had an amiocentesis done today and those results that have 99.9% certainty will be back Monday. Trisomy 18, from what she told me and what I've read, is a fatal genetic disease. She will go full term (to her due date, now at 12-04) only to loose the baby at or following the birth. I just don't know what to say. What do you say to someone who is facing planning the birth and simultaneously the funeral of her baby!?!?!? I have been driven to my knees because there is no where else to go. I just, I don't know. I can't even think of anything to say except to hope and have FAITH that this baby is just being obstinate and the results Monday come back fine, and even if they don't we LOVE this baby. He is a miracle and we are going to enjoy him right now!! Also, medicine can only do so much, this baby could still come out and be phenomenally fine. Please, send prayers, comments, knowledge and love this way and I will pass it on to her. It would mean the world.

Where have you been?

Im here, just not HERE. I will have a long, much overdue update tonight.




But...FELICIDADES & it's a BOY to Leighanne and her lovely baby boy LaCorian born August 2nd, 2008. 6lbs. 5oz after 31 hours of labor!!



More tonight.

Bad blogger, bad bad

Sorry for being MIA lately..There's been a lot going on and I've barely had time for sleep, let alone blogging. I will update very soon, most likely tonight or tomorrow. So stay tuned :)

Special

So defn. for some reason our internet has decided to not work. Of course the people at AT&T have NO IDEA what is wrong and can't send anyone to the house until tomorrow. So my internet usage will be at a minimum until this gets fixed. Seeing as I don't have class after tonight, if they don't get it fixed until tomorrow (or later) you won't be hearing from me. So fear not, Im not ignoring you sweet readers, just dicking around with AT&T.

Had my oral surgery, it was terrible, and Im in a great deal of pain...BUT there is always hydrocodone APAP..otherwise known as Vico.din which is helping me make it through the day.

That is all my news for now except that, oh yeah, I might have a cyst on my left ovary*. Congratulations to me.



* Every fear I've had about not being able to conceive my own biological children is now playing like a bad movie in my head on REPEAT

The WORST

Today was, pretty much, the worst day I've had in a LOOOONG time. I don't want to go into details right now because just thinking about it makes me have bile in my stomach and I've had a "I feel the need to vomit" feeling all day long...well since 11:00am. I just keep replaying what happened over and over in my head and I can't seem to make it stop. Everything is fine w/Evan and I. It was, as always, a preschool thing. I want to quit that job SO bad, but I can't. I love the kids (especially Moo), the pay is better then I'll get anywhere else until I get my degree and no other place (I don't think) is going to work w/my school and externship schedule like this job does. But the stress is making me sick, literally. The gossiping is horrible!! Sometimes, like today, I just want to quit and I want to be done and NEVER go back. I also have the other half of my oral surgery tomorrow and since I have this bile in my stomach, I can't sleep. I didn't think I was going to have to take the Vali.um but I think I will just to get some sleep. Maybe I'll tell you all about what happened later, but for now, Im gonna try for some sleep. I'll be out of comission til late Wednesday night...And Im going to try and not let a week go between postings..

Genevieve Elaine

Today would have been my sweet Genevieve's 5th Birthday. I sometimes wonder what she would look like, if she would have the same habits as me, if she would have my eyes, if she would have blonde hair or red hair, if she would be short or tall, how smart she would be, how much she would know, how much she would talk. If she would be a smart-eleck like me, if she would like the color purple. I really, REALLY miss her. I would have loved the chance to get to see her grow up. I know everything happens for a reason, but I would have made a really good mamma to her. Happy Birthday my sweet girl.

Why am I still awake?

So tell me why Im watching the Miss Universe pageant & Miss USA FELL again, just like last year!! LOL! WTF? I think she was probably thinking too hard about nto falling like her predecessor and ended up doing it anyway. Why am I even watching this? Ahh who knows.

Anyway, sorry for the lack of updates. Im just boring and busy. In 2 days, it will be Genevieve's due date. She would have been 5 this year. It always gets me that day..Im just kind of sad. So this week my parents are gone again, church camp, and we all know how I struggle to sleep. So on Tuesday Viv's EDD, Moo-Moo is coming over to stay for the night. I think that will help me with that being her b-day. Anyway, thats all for now.

I don't know

Sometimes..Im just shocked by how insensitive, rude etc people can be.

Let me just give you the short story w/o all the details because the more times I retell it the more bodily harm sounds like the way to go. Evan's dad has decided he is not paying for ANY part of his share of the wedding costs including, the alcohol at the reception (which just LAST WEEK, he said he would be paying) and the rehearsal dinner. The deposit has already been made by Evan's mother and cannot be refunded. We aren't even sure if we can get out of having the dinner there or if we are locked in. At the same time, he felt it necessary to make asinine comments about my parents because they have managed their money well and are doing the rigth thing, and he has chosen to be a dickweed about his money and spend it all on his new wife who basically DEMANDS diamonds all the time and for no reason. Not to mention, she has him on a choke and Evan told me he could hear her in the background of their phone conversation telling him what to say. Linds & E both have told me he was NOT like this before he met & married her. So now, we get to pay for it. And his dad needs to know that actions have consequences & his are coming. Thats all for now. My everything hurts and it's time for bed.

Let me just add..

That taking a nap, no having the prescription strength decongestant knock you out, at 7pm knock you out so that you sleep until 9:30pm makes it really ROUGH to try and tell your body to go back to sleep at 10pm, which is why at 10:57pm, Im still awake. Neat-o. Also, an "aside" the move "300" is AMAZING and filled w/super hot, buff guys and I've been obsessively watching it and want to name my first born son, Leonidas (Leo, for short, seriously.)

Ooops you left a little drama over here

Drama, drama everywhere. A certain person at PS 1250 is causing WAAAAY too much drama, and before she knows it, it will be back, with a vengeance, to bite her on her huge ass. I hate drama as much as I hate gum in my hair, I never was a girl to like drama and I don't like it when people feel the need to start rumors and gossip about me and then LIE, boldly, to my face, when they are confronted with their bad behavior. You'd think, as a 50 year old woman, she'd be mature past that point, but defn. not. And she wonders why people are rude to her and don't want to be around her. Not to mention, dispensing medical assvice when you aren't a medical PROFESSIONAL in any way, is dumb, not to mention, can make you libel if some part of your "advice" is wrong.

Sickness is also everywhere. I went to the doctor today and have bronchitis (what a surprise) and a URTI*. So Im on a really strong antibiotic and some cough medicine. She also gave me something for the phenomenal cramps that accompany my pe.riod and something to help me get some more restful sleep. Yahoo. I caught her on a good day. A LOT of the kids at PS have colds/flu/sinus issues/allergies/tonsillitis and the parents STILL send them to school. Please stop this. I know people have to work, but this is how us teachers, and the other kids get sick. There's one little girl who has been SO sick, and she is seeing an ENT on Thursday and most likely will have to have a tonsillectomy, and the parents came and ask me about it today..Yay! I can use my medical knowledge* Im dreading having to go to class tomorrow, but at least I get off at 12, so I can take a nap before class. The decongestant I was prescribed is STRONG.

Anyway, thats enough for now and good grief, did I use the CAPS BUTTON ENOUGH!?


*URTI: Upper Respritory Tract Infection
* I, in no way dispensed medical assvice, I just explained maybe what the ENT will talk about and what a tonsillectomy entails, just in case you were wondering

Just a few things

1. We did urine PG tests in Clin 2 Lab today & Miss Candi is NOT pregnant!! YAY!!! (Neither am I for those that were wondering, but we knew that)

2. I am sick...again. I haven't been for awhile..but anyway..I thought it was just an allergy thing, and a few teachers at PS 1250 have been coming to work w/stuffy noses/sore throats etc. and so I was feeling stuffy on Friday, and it has just gotten progressively worse since then. Now I have a 100.5 degree fever and the mucus has changed colors (which is a sign of infection.) I have doctors appointment tomorrow in which I need an antibiotic because I CANNOT miss class this quarter and some pain pills for the cramps Im hoping to get next week (and not because I love my pe.riod but because that was I'll know my body can do a menstrual all on it's own.)

3. 3 of the 4 BM dresses are in and they are GORGEOUS!!! Angel & I went to the store to see hers and pick out tuxes (w/Evan) and she looked so pretty. The colors turned out fantastic and the tuxes match beautifully.





I believe that to be all for now. Im tired and can barely breathe through my nose.

4th of July

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"Freedom has it's life in the hearts, the actions, the spirit of men and so it must be daily earned and refreshed-else cut like flower from it's life-giving roots, it will wither and die." Dwight D. Eisenhower

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

It's my momma's birthday..and since I can't celebrate with her (she's in Canada this week) Im sending her a little shout-out from my blog. I love, love, LOVE you!!! Have a fantastic day!!

Happy Birthday Baby Girl!!!

Happy Birthday my sweet Moo-Moo!!!

Today my Moo is 3 years old!! She's getting so big! Let me tell you about Moo. I was super worried when she started preschool, as she is T's granddaughter and I was worried about her having special treatment. She is now the absolute light of my life...and can I tell you a secret? I think my Viv in heaven sent her to me. I think, had Viv been born, and been around, she would be Moo. Moo is smart, funny, beautiful, loving, and an all around good kid, and she does get special treatment, from ME!!! LOL!!! I know, it's terrible. She's spoiled rotten and I love her so much! She told me she loved me when she was here last week (a big step for a 2 year old). So Happy Birthday Moo Moo!! Big Moo loves you!!

WTF!?

Can you please explain why future sis-in-law is all of the sudden causing MASSIVE amounts of drama!?!??!!? I think I know the reason, but that doesn't make it okay or right. Ughh, and then she is two faced and askes me & E to go to dinner w/her and her current ass-face. I'd rather eat glue.

Wedding Stuff

Okay..I need assvice...on wedding shoes..Here are the choices
Gold Sparklies
My FAVE (in the gold or the latte, my wedding colors are cinnamon/chocolate brown and my dress is a champagne/gold color)
Bling
Dead Sexy
Sandal
Diamonds are a girls BF

Im tired

So Im exhausted because Im going on about 3-4 hours over the last 2 days. Because Im scared when im home alone. I know, wtf? Im 25, and I still have fears. Not to mention the police car parked in the driveway, I know, retarded, but Im still scared and have trouble sleeping. If I had a firearm or a dog I'd be good to go. But I don't have either one, so afraid I stay.

Work: Has been okay. The boss CONTINUES accepting babies, therefore we have about 50 million now. All I do, ALL DAY LONG, is change diapers. It makes me not ever want to have multiples. Not that I would say no, it's just like an all day long piss & shit fest. Ahh the fantastic life of a preschool teacher. We have these two twin 18mo. olds and they are kind of delayed (not really sure why) but their mom has been crazazy and today she came in and the kids looked rode hard,and she started sobbing and I was like "D what's wrong?" Her mom died last night! She was just in the preschool a month ago. She had cancer and got pneumonia. They were going to start chemo Monday. Insane. It's just like, life, poof, gone. Also, we have more then 1 family REALLY taking advantage of the boss & her kind heart. If it was me, and you were more then 2 weeks behind in your payments, which pay the staff's SALARIES, you'd be gone and that's all there'd be to it. It's just ridiculous. We had water day today, it was okay, the kids love it, so thats all that matters, it just takes FOREVER to get them changed and ready for lunch. The big kids eat lunch outside, but the babies have to eat inside (where the little chairs & tables, and high chairs are) and we have to start like 30 minutes b/f lunch and we still run behind. Friday is just a long day. Oh & tell me why the new schedule was posted and a few of the teachers were already trying to change their hours!? The schedule was made for a REASON!! Seeing as the boss is also my mom in her free time, when these people bitch, I get to hear all about it. I told them "if you are going to change your hours, I don't want to hear one word about it." Because I will get bitched out for what they have done. Oh and someone asked for 2 weeks off!! Are you serious!? For an "urgent family matter" that takes place for 2 weeks in the middle of July. When I think urgent, I think NOW, not in 3 weeks. I don't know, maybe Im just a cold-hearted bitch. Either way, it makes me pissy. Onward!

School: I start clin 2 on Monday. And IBC still hasn't received my transcript (SURPRISE) so Im like, fuck it, I'll just take that retarded class online. I went and talked to financial aid yesterday, and I only owe $49 for the next 3 months (yay) and I only owe about $300 for the last quarter Im there (or $96/mo) which I can totally handle. So that makes me super happy. And a few quarters ago, the financial aid moron told me my finally bill would be upwards of $25,000 that I'd have to pay back. The lady I talked to yesterday (who is a godsend) showed me my final bill and that I've already paid off $2000, will only be $17,000. Much better!! It's $210/mo. I can handle that. Im not too excited about the teacher I have for clins since she is a moron and trying to be stuck up the directors butt, but we'll see how it goes. Im nervous because we do injections/IV/blood draw/lab tests, but my sweet Candice will be in there, so thats A+ good news. Moving on!

Wedding: Is less then 100 days away. 13 weeks from now actually. So thats fun, minus the 10 jillion things I have to do. And my MOH isn't communicating with me and a bridesmaid is being a cuntface. So thats neat news. My mom still doesn't have a dress, neither does his mom, 2 BM dresses came in today, who knows when they'll get in to try them on because, well read above. We almost have the invitations finished, and they are GORGEOUS. I absolutely love them. I will take a picture of one and post it once I figure out how to get my pictures on my computer (insert retarded comment here.) My aunt Cheryl is making my jewelry and it is beautiful and my aunt Tammy is helping to put together the centerpieces which are also, hopefully, gonna be fantastic. I want a different pair of shoes (mine just aren't wedding-ing enough), I still have to get my undergarments, my garters (I want Colts ones), book the honeymoon, get/make bridesmaid gifts, ring bearer gifts, get the guys fitted for their tuxes, pick a cake, meet with the baker, finalize the reception & rehearsal meals etc. There's more, but Im tired.

Okay..if you wanna see some of my wedding stuff, I'll post links in a few :) I know, not everyone wants to see my wedding stuff, but lets pretend everyone does.

kdla;fdas'

So tired. 3 hours of sleep. Need nap. More later

Wow

Big ol' update coming on Friday or tomorrow..Depending on when I get some time but if you'll notice..there are only 100 DAYS until the wedding!!! OMG!!!!! It's 13 weeks from Friday!!! More later.


PS: Oral surgery went well, Vicodin & Tylenol 3 is good times, but more on that on the big update. Thank you so much for the well wishes!!
PPS: Sometimes, pepole are way to fucking nosey and may need to be bitch slapped

Umm scared shitless

Tomorrow at 8:00am I am having oral surgery done that will involve filling 4 cavities, and extensive peridontal work. It will take 3-4 hours and Im only having half of my mouth done. The other half will be done on July 22nd. I am so scared it makes me kind of sick just thinking about it. And not the surgery part, the pain part. See, it's costing $5000 just to do the procedure. To be sedated, which would be using an anesthesiologist, would have been another $3000. You can see the whole story on previous posts. Anyway, we decided against an $8000 procedure when we learned that the dentist can give me pills that knock me out and supposedly make me "forget" what happened. I don't want to feel ANYTHING!!! And Im worried I might. I have taken 2 Valium tonight (and i don't really feel any different, maybe a little more tired and have some GI discomfort) and tomorrow morning at 7am Im supposed to take 1 Halcyon tablet, which is supposed to start the non-remembering process. I get 2 more when I get to the dentist which they say will knock me out and I won't remember anything. As the surgery progresses, if I need more, they give me more. The tablets are given sublingually, so they don't have to wake me up to make me swallow or anything. After surgery, i have to be watched for 24 hours because thats how long the amnesia affects can last. So no work for me tomorow. Hopefully Im back to normal on Tuesday because Im supposed to have Moo-Moo Tuesday and Wednesday to celebrate her birthday. Ughh, seriously, I am SO SCARED. I've never had an extensive procedure done just using oral sedatives. With my wisdom teeth I was hooked up to an IV. But also at that time, I had a special little thing called dental insurance, which I don't currently and this HAS to be done before the wedding. So there you have it. Im like avoiding going to sleep cause I don't want to do this in the AM. Oh and get this, the dentist said "unless you absolutely need it, we don't prescribe pain pills" Umm, honey, you go ahead and write that prescription out because I will be needing it. My pain threshold is VERY low. Plus 4 hours of oral surgery and I don't even get the fun of a Vicodin? Nope, not happening. Ugh, I need to try and get some sleep. I feel sick.

Absent, but now present

Sorry for the lack of posts lately....Finals are now over. I had one more on Thursday night (Pathophysiology) and definitely got some bad news that night. More on that later.
We are getting ready to go to a family bridal shower (in Evansville, IN) at 12:30 followed by a family wedding (in New Albany, IN) at 7:30 (is it just me or is that a REALLY late time for a wedding to start?) It's a byoc (bring your own chair) or sit on a hay bale. So thats should give you a lovely mental picture. Anyway, when I have some more time, which I will soon, here is what I need to cover.
1. COM 105 & IBC "loosing" my transcript
2. Have A Nice Day Cafe & Setting up my friends (and why that may have been a bad decision)
3. PS 1250
4. Wedding Stuff


For now, I must run. I'll be back tomorrow :)