Happy Halloween!!

May I just start off by saying that you guys have *no* idea how much your comments and support mean to me. I hate that we are all in the IF/ART/TTC boat, but it would be impossible w/o women like all of you. Thank you from my sweet, candy coma induced, heart. =)


Now, onto..pictures. Now, as you all know, we don't have a RL baby, but we do have a fur baby (Allie) and oh yes we did dress her up for Halloween. Now she has the rockin-est Bumblebe costume that we convinced her to wear for a neighborhood thing 2 weeks ago..Tonight, she was not havin that sh*t. She was trying to tear her wings off, she almost choked herself on her antennae, so we *forced* her to wear her glow-in-the-dark jack-o-lantern shirt. You guys, she is SO freakin adorable. And literally, after we got it on her, she pranced, like the prissy princess that she is.


I feel like here she is saying "jeebus, seriously?"
"Don't I look happy?"

See, you can kind of see the bumblebee action.

There's my DH w/his "costume." Otherwise known as

his uniform. And Allie, being super complacent.

So, hopefully, this time next year we either A)have a live baby to dress up w/the dog or B) are well on way to that goal. Have a safe & happy Halloween!!!

Factor 5 Leiden-Heterozygous

So thats what (most likely) caused all 4 miscarriages..Found out today..Now let me start at the beginning...I had my HSG done yesterday at 12:30..3 hours later I was still bleeding pretty heavily and had painful cramping. So I called my doc, talked to the nurse, who told me if it hadn't slowed by the AM, to call them back ( SO helpful). So this morning the pain was excruciating, and DH said I moaned all night in my sleep, and I remember waking up a few times because of the pain. So I called the doctor and she wanted me to come in and be seen. So I went in, and they did a transvaginal u/s and she said it could be 1 of 2 things: 1) That I had a bad reaction to the dye or 2) that my period wasn't actually finished (bull-oney) because she still saw some lining. She said I have "lots of eggs" and they look to be minorly poly-cystic. She wasn't overly-concerned around about, so Im trying not to be as well. Then she told me they got the karotyping results back, and she had a worried look, so Im, of course thinking, worse-case scenario. But she said I have Factor 5-Leiden and that it is heterozygous (which means it's in half of my DNA, which also means that most likely my birthmother had it and so will my daughters). Anyway, basically, I make too many RBC's and am at higher risk (by like 50%) for blood clots. So when I got pregnant those 4 times, my blood was too THICK to support a pregnancy. GAH!!! I didn't even know that was an option (here is the link to the complications part where it actually talks about miscarriage.)I always assumed I was anemic. Bahaha. Obviously not. So, basically, I cannot take BCP's (most likely ever) because the chance of DVT is 80-fold, which in a way, makes me happy. Not about the DVT, but the fact that I don't have to be on BCP's this cycle. I mean, I know that she did it to make sure that I didn't get PG b/f we knew what was going on, but when I think BCP's, I think, *another* wasted cycle. So, what breaks my heart is that a little, cherry flavored, 81mg pill could have saved those babies. All my PCP had to do was one.little.blood.test. Im just furious. And in my heart I knew that it was something like this. But like Melissa said (and we are so much more alike, she has the EXACT same thing) at least now I know. So here's our *new* schedule:
Now: Let this cycle happen on it's own. Start using OPK's tomorrow morning along w/charting my basal body temperature, then, obviously, "coloring" on the specific days. Then, 3 days after the OPK's change color, I start Prometrium up the hoo-ha, fantastic.
If (by some fantastic miracle) we get PG on this cycle: As soon as we see 2 lines, a +, "pregnant" whatever the case may be, I'll start Lovenox injections for the first 12 weeks (at least).
If I don't ovulate this cycle: Then, we'll start Clomid, but she really wants to avoid this option as she feels Im at higher risk of OHSS (since she says I have plenty of eggs, she doesn't want to overdue it). Otherwise, if I ovulate and we don't get pregnant, we wait until after Christmas, then start the fertility drugs. She feels like this won't be necessary. She said she foresees me getting pregnant w/in the next 2-3 cycles. So does Melissa. You have no idea how badly I hope they are right.

3 Thankful Things:

1. That we finally, FINALLY have a dx.
2. That Im in the clear for anything that can't easily be fixed.
3. That the doctor has for real *hope* and thinks that I will get pregnant in the next 3 cycles. And has a plan of action if I don't.

She Saw My Grandpa

And Aunt Mary passed away today at 7:20pm. We have no details right now, except they have to move her 2 counties and do an autopsy, so the viewing and funeral will be sometime early next week.

*Gah* The Pain

So the HSG is done. It has been since 12:30. I will tell you, w/no sugar coating, it was painful. On a scale from 1-10, it was a solid 8. And the bleeding. Jeebus. I've already called the doctor to tell the RN about it. She said they used a tenaculum to move the cervix (it's a little metal thing that looks like scissors w/tongs on the end) and that the cervix is very sensitive (which I knew). But the immediate cramping was a 6 and I've been btwn. a 5-6 all afternoon. If the bleeding hasn't slowed by tomorrow, I have to go back in so they can make sure there's no "perforations." Lord, only me. Couldn't I just have a regular HSG? Good news, "nothing" is physically wrong. While I am EXTREMELY thankful for this and the fact that all of my hormone levels came back normal, I am on the crazy-thought train of "how do you fix nothing?" I got to see my uterus, fallopian tubes & ovaries. It was pretty rad. I forgot the uterus is triangle shaped and that the tubes are SO small (which is why it hurt like shit to shove the dye through). The doctor pointed to my uterus on the printed picture and said "thats where we want the next baby to stay." Aww. And I sobbed, I am talking, heaving sobs while the procedure was going on, not only from the pain, but because the last time this was done, I was miscarrying baby #2. And the memories it brought back were awful. I have tried my damndest to push the m/c memories to the back of my head, but it just all came out w/the physical pain. Gah. Im glad it's over. Im glad everything was fine. I have an appt. to talk w/the doctor about our next steps on Thursday, when she'll also go over my blood work. The karotyping will be back by then, so we'll know more in depth if it's an Rh problem, blood clotting, etc. The DH has been awesome. Since he couldn't come today, he's been giving into my every whim =) Qdoba & Blockbuster last night...and Qdoba again tonight..lol.

3 Thankful Things

1. Obviously, that everything is structural normal & okay. There is no structural thing preventing me from getting or staying pregnant.
2. Aunt Mary is not in any pain, lucid, talking w/her relatives, enjoying herself basically. So I guess lucid isn't the word when you are talking to dead family members, in real life, but she isn't acting crazy, I don't know. She annouced today that her sister (my grandma) told her it isn't time to go yet because she hasn't seen some important family members. When she does, they'll take her home. Gives me chills and makes me smile at the sam time. How can you not believe in heaven?
3. Melissa: She doesn't sugar coat things and gives me the best support possible. I only wish she were closer so we could get smashed and eat burritos together =)

Nerves..

They have officially kicked in. I keep thinking about how this is no big deal (the HSG, I mean) and how people have major surgery, IUI, IVF, ICSI all the time and they stress less then me. My DH's boss is being such an asshat that they told him if he leaves early, to be with me, that they will dock him a whole day's pay, and we just can't afford that right now. So, though it may be weird, my mom is going w/me tomorrow. I just really need someone to hold my hand, and she has been through all this b/f (she and my dad did IF treatments for 12 years, 10 b/f me and 2 after) and so she's knows the nervousness. I told her I have 2 *big* fears 1) something serious is wrong that involves major surgery (bicornate uterus, septum issues, cyst, etc.) or 2) that NOTHING is wrong (and then, how do you fix nothing?) Oh, and the pain situation, but that's not even close to the other two. And these BCP's the doc has me on, are making me break out in a *major* way. I thought BC was supposed to HELP your skin, not make it worse. Not to mention, they are making me tired. WTF? How do I have all the side effects that only like 10% of people have? Guess Im lucky. Oh well. The DH bought me Qdoba and rented me some movies since Im pretty sure I'll be in bed after the procedure tomorrow..so yay for that =) Also, they do this procedure in the "surgery center" making my brain think all kinds of bad things. Worse case scenario, thats me. *Gah*

Also, my Aunt Mary has been in hospice/nursing home care for the last 6 years. She has rapidly declined over the last 24 hours, to the point that she has kidney failure, doesn't want to eat, is having bladder issues and has seen my grandma, my grandpa, her dad, her mom, 2 aunts and 2 uncles..Umm all who passed 8-20 years ago. So Im thinking her time is coming soon. She is in good spirts, is ready to go, says my grandma is "singing in the choir" which is kind of funny because, when she was alive, she couldn't carry a tune in a bucket. What I wouldn't give to go to Columbus right now and talk to my grandma through my aunt. I know. Im a freak. But she is lucid, and 100% knows grandma and everyone is dead, and her children have told her it's okay to go. So we will most likely be headed to Columbus in the next 2-3 days. My mom is doing okay. This is her last living "immediate" relative on her mom's side, so I thought she'd be taking it harder, but she seems to be doing well.

3 Thankful Things
1. That my Aunt Mary got to see her 3 beautiful grandchildren get married, and got to see her 3 gorgeous great-grandsons born. She has lived a good life.
2. That I have a job that accomodates my schedule w/the IF stuff. Although only one person there knows what we are doing, it's nice to have a job where I can take time off w/o having to give some long-drawn out, interrogative reason as to why.
3. Good doctors, good health care.

Amanda Laurel

My sweet girl..Your daddy and I miss you so very much. We were so excited about having a fall baby..We know you had to go, but we didn't know it would hurt this much. My goodness, just thinking about the what if's is making me crazy. Mommy is having an HSG on Thursday to see just what the situation is, so if you and your sisters and brother could send down some good news that'd be great..and maybe a sibling that wants to stick around for awhile? Have a good birthday in heaven...We miss you bunches.


*Update*
I forgot my 3 Thankful Things

1. I am thankful for every SINGLE one of my pregnancies. I am thankful for the time I got to spend with those babies. Each one was special, and one brought my husband and I back together.
2. Im not exactly thankful, but the miscarriages did help us see that there is something outside of our control going on. It got me to the RE to get the help I need. So it's not exactly thankful, but you know.
3. I am thankful for friends who have the right words at just the right time and help me keep from going off on other friends who's FB status is about how "terrible or uncomfortable" being pregnant (for the 2nd time in 1 year) is. Thank you for keeping my head on.

3 Things

So I've been re-reading my posts, and I've pretty much bitched in most of them. I seem kind of ungreatful. Im not sure if IF has made me that way, but I feel like I need to be a little more thankful for what I have. So Im going to make an effort to do something we used to do around the dinner table when I was young. 3 things Im thankful for. EVERY.DAY. Seriously. Im gonna attempt to remember to do it, starting today =)

1. I am thankful for the unseasonabley warm weather that has allowed me to open our patio door and windows and get the stuffiness out of here. It might very well be the last time for the next few months.
2. I am thankful to have a job in this economy. Though it may make me crazy and I might just work too many hours, I'd rather be overworked then unemployed.
3. I am thankful for our new house. I feel safe, all the time. I don't worry *quite* as much when Im home alone and I don't feel unsafe if I have to go out and get something after dark.

Also, tomorrow is *another* unfulfilled EDD. Amanda Laurel. That would've been her. Every single m/c took a piece of my heart. I'll have a post dedicated just to her tomorrow, I justh had to get that off my chest.

Silly DH

I just had to post that right now, at this moment, my DH is hiding behind the island in our kitchen playing hide & seek w/the dog. Wtf? LOL..He makes me laugh so much. He's trying to sneak up on her. And she is smart enough, that she knows how to play. Just thought you'd get a chuckle picturing this moment =)

CD1

So AF finally decided to show her bitch ass after being absent last month. Thanks for that. The pain. Gah. It is why I hate skipping a cycle. It is 100x worse, seriously. And I discussed pain control w/my RE's nurse and, of course, she said "we'll cross that bridge when we get to it." I explained I always have heavy, painful AF's, and she didnt want to prescribe anything. And of course, it happens on a Friday, when they're closed for the weekend. Im big time hoping the cramps are gone by Monday. But for now, it's heat and Tylenol. Grr..And tell me why I was nervous about this AF. Cause I think it really means that we are on the path to a baby. Im supposed to call them on Monday to schedule the HSG, then the BCP cycle, then, December, our first medicated cycle. Can I be excited about this? I mean, I know it doesn't automatically=a baby, but at least I feel like we are doing SOMETHING. Whereas, right now, I have no idea what is going on w/my body. But still, ugh to the pain factor.

*Addendum*
So the doc has me taking Loestrin 24 Fe..Which has iron which will be good to me. But it says the side effects can be N&V, and that it can be HARDER to get PG after taking bcp's. WTF? We already have enough trouble trying to get pg. So can anyone give me any advice? Now Im super nervous that we're gonna struggle even more. Also. It's a "day 1" start thing, so I took my first one today, if that helps out at all. Thank you bunches in advance.

Fat

I've learned some important lessons in my life..One being that you DO NOT ask a woman if she is pregnant unless you see a head emerging. I admit, I used to be super-overweight. Im not anymore. Well, not like I was. I could defn. stand to drop a few pounds, but I don't think Im obese, neither does my doctor or my husband. So pffft. But anyway, back to the story. Some of the scrub tops we have to wear are VERY unforgiving. And I (not that I need to justify my fatness, but dammit) have been pregnant 4x this year, I've swayed 10-15 lbs since last December. I get EXTREMELY bloated when AF is about to rear her ugly head, and Prometrium makes me retain water. I said all that to say this. IM NOT PREGNANT. Please believe I will be wearing a flashing button when I am. I am not "hiding a secret" or any of that. If I were pregnant, believe me, I'd tell you, more than likely asap. If I have not notified you that we are "in the family way" then please, don't bust my chops by asking me if Im PG. It shatters my heart. A patient said those 2 things to me today. It. was. awesome. So I blatantly told her "why no, actually, Im not pregnant. We have, however, lost 4 babies in the last year, Im starting fertility treatments and Im about to start my period." Shut her up real fast. And it wasn't like she was some stick figure. BACK OFF. Seriously.

Duuuude, It's ICLW Intro =)

Okay, so basically, here's our story..I was planning on it being short, but I tend to get long-winded. =)

• Using bullets is my favorite form of blog communication
• Im 26 and 3/4..My birthday is 11-18 where I will be on the downward slope towards 30..lol
• I've been married for just over a year..my DH and I are best friends and I super love him, even though we don't always see eye to eye.
• We seperated in April 2009 to July 2009 after our 2nd miscarriage..It was just waaaay too much to loose 2 babies after being married that short of a time. We got back together right after the 4th of July...I am SO glad and so thankful that we did.
• We have had 4 miscarriages, 12-19-08, 03-15-09, 07-10-09, & 08-15-09. I still haven't been able to wrap my head around the fact that we could potentially be on pregnancy #2 if we were fertile. I've named all my babies and will always celebrate their EDD's. I also had a m/c on 12-19-02, when I was 19, in college and w/someone else. That was the furthest I've ever made it on a pregnancy.
• My PCP is a doucher. She didn't diagnose me until AFTER m/c #4, and then sent me to a MFM (after I begged her to do something) who sent me to my current doctor, a RE, Dr. Rueter. She is a goddess. She did a complete blood work-up on me, she's doing karotyping on my DH and myself and I am going to have an HSG in November.
• Our tentative schedule goes something like this: I started Prometrium on 10-12 (I didn't get a normal AF after the last m/c) so Im expecting AF sometime this weekend. After our forced cycle, I will have one on BCP's (which pisses me off, but whatever) and then we will "most likely" start Clomid, and have a monitored cycle. Between days 7-10 of my next cycle, I will have an HSG, which I am scared shitless about. I don't do well with pain, and Im afraid of the results. If, by God's grace, we get pregnant after my BCP cycle in November, then I will have to have shots of...oh man, I can't remember, to keep the baby in because my body obviously has rejection issues. And those will be for the first 12 weeks, AT LEAST. Super pumped about that.
• I use profanity is almost every post. Seriously. If profanity bothers you, so will my blog.
• Also, I am 100% anti-Obama. I welcome any and all opinions on this topic, but, I will not tolerate being berated because of my views.
• My most common topics: TTC, work, marriage.
• Lastly, welcome!!

Quick Update

I want to type my blood work results, and how they were good and normal. But I don't feel good and normal. I feel exhausted and depressed by this whole process. What we've gone through, what is coming up, the potential "what if" list rears it's ugly head. I feel broken. I know everyone tells me we are on the right track, but what if the right track doesn't lead to a baby? I just want to go lay next to my DH who is as warm as a fleece blanket and hide under the covers. I'll be out when the sun comes up..until then, blanket hibernation.

Im Back =)

Has it really been a week since I posted? Then you know this update will be in bulleted form..

• Im almost 100% better. I still have the nagging cough/phlegmy nastiness, but that most likely will hang around for the duration of the winter. The antibiotics defn. helped as well as upping my asthma medication. Hope that was the illness for the year.
• I worked up a storm this week. Every day I worked at least 10 hours, so that helps in picking up the days I missed last week, but still. I was zonked when I got home. DH and I would have dinner and most nights this week, we were in bed by 10pm. I know. We live a mighty exciting life.
• I started Prometrium last Monday, so Im expecting AF in 4-5 days. I've never had it before and the side-effects have hit hard. It's making me really tired, a little naseaus, and just all around blah. Im defn. sleeping well though..most of the time anyway. It is waaay better then that devil Provera though. Provera was awful, I'll take Prometrium over that any day. I'd rather just cycle on my own, but my body wasn't havning it last month. I haven't had a normal cycle since the m/c in August. So, forced cycle it is.
• I haven't gotten my blood work results back yet. I guess that means everything is okay? They said it would take 3 weeks to get the karotyping back, but they said 10 days for everything else. It was 10 days Friday. I guess I'll call Monday morning and double check.
• Im supposed to schedule an HSG btwn. days 3-6 of my next cycle, which I will be on BCP's for. My friend Melissa said they can feel like really bad menstrual cramps or severe pain. She's heard of people experiencing both. Knowing my luck, it'll be severe pain. Not to mention I am POSITIVE that this cycle is going to be really back in the cramping department. Ughh..SUCK.
• After the medicated cycle, we go in for 3/6/10 day u/s to see when Im ovulating, most likely we'll be doing Clomid and then have "timed intercourse. My DH thinks that sounds super romantic =)
• My Super Stabs of the Week (thanks Melissa =0) I have a friend who is due w/baby #5 on 12-11-09. *stab*. Let me give you the back story. She & husband #1 have Z, in 1997. Husband #2, she has Irish twins (May 02 & June 03). Husband #3, another set of Irish twins (Dec. 08 and now, Dec. 09) *stab*. And she cannot stop talking to me about how HARD it is being 32 weeks pregnant. I would give anything for that. I have another friend who is having Irish twins..Baby 1 was born in Nov. 08, baby 2 is due in March of 10. Awesome. Apparently my SIL got the go ahead to start *trying* last week. She'll probably be knocked up by Christmas. She thinks it would be "so neat" if we were pregnant together. *stab*. Seriously, she has NO idea what we have gone through. She has no idea was 4 losses feels like. I wouldn't wish even ONE on her. And i KNOW that she doesn't have any idea, and therefore doesn't know how it kills me to talk to her about her getting pg w/her THIRD boyfriend this year. Im not trying to sound high & mighty, but what.the.fuck? Why can't we just get the go ahead to "start trying?" I just want to smack her when she talks about how she's worried she'll get pregnant "too fast" and not be able to fit in her wedding gown next fall. BAHAHAAHHA. OMG. I almost choked laughing. Ahh, maybe she will have it that easy.
• We got our Christmas Current catalog, and it had all this personalization shit you can get, and ALL I could think about was the fact that we should have a third name to add to a family ornament, but we don't.
• My EDD for the 2nd pregnancy is in 8 days. Shoot me.
• I've been reading babyloss blogs because I am TERRIFIED that is what Im going to have to have and I want to make sure that I can make it. Im now scared that when/if we get and stay pregnant, that the baby will die. Do all women in IF feel this way? Am I thinking too much? I mean, it happens, to regular people, healthy, no issues mommas. I already, obviously have some shit going on w/my uterus, what if I can get a baby to stay, but dies when it is born? Im trying not to obsess, but it's been on my mind.
• I haven't posted much this week due to the bullet about all the stupid pregnant people in my life. Im sorry. That's not very nice, and I have nothing against them (well, except maybe my SIL) but I want it to be me. Having to wait to start my period, then wait for the medicated cycle to be over, then waiting on the drugs to work. I've never waited so much in my life. I've never wanted time to speed up before. Im trying to live in the moment. To enjoy this time w/my husband, but I find myself picking fights because Im so ready to be pregnant. And I can't really explain it to him. He knows how hard this has been on me, but he can't know, 100% how hard it is cause he doesn't experience it the same way I do. But he has been awesome. Puts up w/my ridiculous mood swings, my anger, my depression. Im one lucky lady =)
• Our new house rocks. Im taking pictures after we finish unpacking and I'll post them ASAP.
• I started watching some new tv series. True Blood, Big Love, the Tudors(well I've watched this one b/f, but not since season 1). True Blood=adult Twilight. It is SO GOOD! Anna Paquin is amazing. Im addicted. Also, Big Love=phenomenal. It shows the good and bad side of polygamy. I don't think it makes it look like some big 4 some. It shows how hard it is to have 3 wives, who don't always get along. And it shows the side of polygamy that most people don't understand. Plus, it shows the bad side, in Juniper Creek, where the ultra-Mormon's are. It's intriguing. And always, Jonathan Rhys-Meyers on the Tudors. OMG. So hot. So awesome. The acting is very good. I've been having a marathon =)
• For my b-day (which is 30 days from today) my DH is taking me out for dinner and to see the new Twilight Movie..mmm Im so excited!!

Okay, thats all. My head hurts and I wanna go watch some more True Blood. I'll be a better blogger this week. Promise =)

Still On The Sick Ward

Okay..Im pretty sure that I haven't been this sick in almost 2 years. The last time I felt this bad was February 2008. I had viral gastroenteritis..This is almost as bad, but there's no vomitting (anymore, now that the cough is controlled). Im just exhausted..like doing anything, including walking across the house to get in here to the computer/guest room is making me feel like I ran a marathon. And yes, my computer in the kitchen was closer, but it takes longer to boot up out of hibernation mode. And the sucky part is, I HAVE to go to work tomorrow. I cannot afford another day off. And I know other people might get sick because this fever just won't break. It'll go down, but won't break. It hasn't been lower then 99.9 since yesterday. I've done the Tylenol and stuff, but it's just hanging out & I think that is part of what is making me tired. Usually, when I get the trifecta (bronchitis, sinus infection, laryngitis) or just one of them, I can shake it off after about 48 hours..This has lasted since LAST Tuesday night. Ugh..I don't know what to do. I straight refuse to go to my old PCP and we haven't found a new one in Noblesville yet, not to mention that my RE didn't want to give me any meds or anything for this (is that normal) because she isn't my PCP. It's not ER bad, but I can't miss anymore work. Ugh..I don't know. I guess just keep up the fluids and rest as much as possible. Which, uh, isn't possible at work. Oh, and one more thing. If the SIL keeps the comments via text messaging to my husband up, she's gonna find herself missing some teeth. SERIOUSLY!! She asked him "is she STILL sick?" "Isn't she sick a lot?" "Is she "really" sick?" I asked him not to answer her. I don't need her bs.

Something I have learned from spending the majority of the last 4 days in bed? Sometimes, there are some awesome good shows on (like a Golden Girls Marathon every morning on the Hallmark Channel) and there are some horrible bad shows on (like America's Next Top Model Marathon on the Oxygen channel). I've become a big fan of the new stations we got when we moved. Did I mention we got a year free of Starz & HBO?? Also, thinking of HBO..have you ever watched TrueBlood? Watching it after reading the Twilight Series makes me wonder which came first. Because the TrueBlood "love" story that is developing is a lot like the Bella/Edward scenario in Twilight. Anyway, I love them both. Im pretty sure Im going to be getting Netflix again just so I can get caught up.

We are trying to get out our "we have moved" annoucements..and there are 2 choices that I really like from tinyprints. They don't just have baby annoucements and what not, there is a alot of stuff. You should go check it out, but any way..here are our 2 choices. Let me know what you think because I can't decide. Multicolored Leaves or Simple We've Moved. So let me know what you think. Im gonna try to get them ordered by the middle of next week. So please email me your address if you'd like to have one.

Okay..off to bed I go. Tomorrow is gonna kick my ass=)

What The..

So yesterday I went to the Immediate Care place by our house because, as we all know, my PCP is a quack and far away and I've been sick since Tuesday night. So I went, and he was all holistic, homeopathic crap, and said I had a cold. Thats not what it was, but he was not having it. So last night, all night long, and this morning I have an AWFUL sore throat (plus the stuffy nose/fever) and this morning I was coughing so hard I was vomitting. So DH took me to a different imm. care and they diagnosed me w/ bronchitis, a sinus infection, and laryngitis. AND gave me some meds to actually make me feel better. On board we have, Augmentin (and man, they are horsey pills) Advair and Cherrtussin w/ Codeine. Thank goodness. And they were horrified by the other doctors behavior( because I have astham, bronchitis can EASILY turn into pneumonia) and said if the fever hadn't broken and the coughing calmed down in 24 hours to come back. The doctor was rad. Okay, Im gonna take my cough medicine and lay down since I got about zero hours of sleep last night...


PS: Melissa, thanks for your constant support. It means more then you know. =)

Funny How That Works Out

Maybe she wasn't a troll, but I would've have liked to talk to her some more. Im sorry I called her a name, it was an "emotional" response. But please don't leave comments on my blog if you don't want me to try to contact you. If you don't feel like talking politics, don't leave comments. And she did make a good point, that, um apparently, Im not allowed to disagree with? I wonder why I've gotten all this feedback today on this topic? Apparently, it strikes a cord w/a lot of people. It strikes me as, odd? I don't know exactly the word Im looking for. I've talked about Obama before, and never gotten this much feedback. Maybe because I spoke how I felt about him and esp. about him getting the Nobel Prize? Before, I've just kind of mentioned him in passing. I don't know. Interesting. And I just rejected all my last comments, and I didn't mean to, because I like the negative along w/the positive, I just hit the wrong button. I wasn't watching close enough, so I apologize. Anyway, I didn't mean to offend anybody, it's just bothersome when people comment and leave no way to comment back. Whatever =)

My First Troll!!!

Did you see on the last post? I got my first troll/negative comment!! Woot!! People really are readng me..lol..also, I was gonna go back and talk to this person via blogs, but convieniently, there is no blog nor a profile under that name..hmmm..So let me adress it here.

Yes, I might be midwestern, but I do know that the Nobel Peace Prize is a GLOBAL no USA prize. I also know that to win the Nobel Peace Prize, maybe you should've done something that is actually helpful. I do not see how a man can, at 6AM find out that he has won the Nobel PEACE prize and then by 12pm, is contemplating the best way to send 60,000 troops to a needless war in Afghanistan. YES, I also know that George Bush DESTROYED this countries image in other parts of the world, but I also recognize that right now, Obama should be concerned with fulfilling the needs of the country he was charged to defend and protect, and NOT trying to fulfill the needs of countries that would fly 2 planes into our buildings, the Pentagon, and our CAPITOL (where he lives) rather then be peaceful and have "talks." I do not believe Obama has even touched on any of the "change" he was going to bring this country. Moreso, I feel like we are becoming a more Socialistic nation then a Democratic one. The economy is awful, and not getting any better. I commend Obama if he actually has extended the hand of peace to other countries, but Im worried about my country. Im worried about the rising crime rates in America, the political unrest, in America, the needless deaths, the fear, the worry, IN AMERICA. That's where I live. That's where I call home. THAT is the country Obama swore to protect and defend. To help rise from the ashes as such things as 9-11 and Bush's presidency. So, yes, Cecily, I know that the peace prize is a GLOBAL award, what I don't know is how Obama is going to bring America back to great country she once was. And that is what worries me the most.

2 Weeks of Work

So Im sure by now, if you still read me, you know my feelings on Barack Hussein Obama. Im not a fan. AT ALL. And this morning I wake up to the news that he has won the effin Nobel Peace Prize!! WTF??!! Also, to cap it off, when they did nominations he had been in office TWO WEEKS. Not enough time to show any type of promise or the "change" he had been readily pushing during the election. He STILL hasn't EIGHT MONTHS after taking office. Seriously. Has it come to this? That we are just electing whomever is the most popular or is the most PC to get the Nobel Peace Prize? Is this what you get as a condolence gift for your home city not getting the 2016 Olympics? He is proving time & again that he has pulled the wool over so many people's eyes, that he is a puppet in the goings-on in his own office and that he & his staff are master manipulators. Im sorry, this just gets my panties in a bunch. The Nobel Peace Prize should be something that is awarded to someone who has actually done something in the way of peace and helping promote it. Obama has done the opposite. There are more splits in our country now then ever before. Lots of people have good ideas, they just don't ge the Noble Prize for them when they taper out before they can become good actions.

Sick Day

So Dr. S came in on Monday hacking and coughing and phlegm everywhere..It was NASTY!! And guess who had to take a sick day today? Ughh..I feel pretty bad. Right now Im medicated, but today was a HUGE long day and I hate missing the long day cause that's money in the bank. Sore throat, achy all over, phlegmy. Gah.

Tomorrow Im supposed to have about a million vials of blood drawn, Im worried cause since they stuck me in my right arm yesterday (the arm that *usually* gives the most blood) has 2 pricks in it, it's still gonna hurt too much to stick again tomorrow. Hopefully my left arm doesn't *f* around, cause if the hold up is blood draw, I'll let them poke anywhere they want. They might as well just go for my hand (which hurts like a bitch) but has never failed to have blood drawn. I don't want to delay this anymore then we have to. We've already waited long enough. And having to have a BCP cycle is already making me peeved, so lets get this show on the road. Im just excited to be moving in the right direction!!

So you all know that the SIL and her flavor of the month (she tends to, ahem, go through men) went to Gatlinburg last weekend and we were all there at the same time. Basically, they got engaged. He won't be able to buy the ring til after the first of the year, but she (they?) are already planning the wedding, IN GATLINBURG, for next October. Remember also that I said they are trying to have a baby (well in her words "not preventing"). Apparently, she got "really good news" at the gyno today and is "so excited." Im telling you, if she is PG, Im gonna flip. Seriously. I will loose my shit all over the place. Im tellng you, they will get PG right off the bat. She has no idea how NOT EASY it has been for DH and I. I never really realized what hell IF is until we'd lost 4 babies and been through it for the last year. But seriously. If she's knocked up, Im hiding under the covers for the next 9mos.

Okay..thats all. Im currently trying too cook dinner, while medicated, so we'll see how that goes=)

RE Part Dos

Firstly, does anyone know how to make it so you can see my blog titles? The Shabby Blog logo is in the way and I don't know how to fix it, so any insight would be stellar.


Secondly, we saw the RE today..Dr. Reuter..She is the EXACT opposite of my PCP. She was HORRIFIED that my PCP let us go w/4 miscarriages w/o the hint of referral. I told her I basically had to DEMAND that I even get to see the MFM, who imm. referred me to her. She asked about the most recent miscarriages, ask about my LMP (which I skipped in September and I am 99.9% sure Im not pregnant, thats what the HPT says) and she wants to run a COMPLETE panel of tests to see wtf is going. She told me it was ridiculous that we should go this long w/o any answers, esp. if it's something as simple as an Rh incompatibility or a blood disorder. She is going to take 6-7 vials of blood on Thursday..OMG. And it has to be fasting, so no food/drink (except water) after midnight tomorrow, which should be fine. The appointment is at 8:15am. They tried to take 1 vial today to test for HCG just to completely rule it out, but the lady made 2 stick attempts and thats about all the pain I could take. My veins are SO deep and so small that anything past 2 attempts is so painful it makes me sick to my stomach. She tried to take blood from the big vein on the side of my arm (which usually gives really good blood) but the vein rolled and I almost yanked the needle out myself. If I could take my own blood, I totally would, but alas, I can't. So back in Thursday I go. She was SO helpful, answered all of our questions, talked about a "baby" in the present tense, not "if/when" you get pregnant, which made me really hopeful. Maybe I shouldn't be, but I am. I got more from her in 30 minutes then I've gotten from my PCP in 12 months. She wants us to do AT LEAST one cycle on birth control (the pill, not the patch, dammit) and we're doing that because she has free samples at the office so I don't have to pay for it, lol. Hopefully, I remember to take them. She is doing karotype testing on both of us (DH will have to go give blood next week) and that will take up to 3 weeks, so we need at least one cycle w/no pregnancy. Im most likely gonna have to do a forced cycle since I skipped last month. I will have 3 day and 6 day ultrasounds and a hysterosalphingogram (HSG) before the cycle after my next. I just feel like we are finally on the track to actually getting and STAYING pregnant. And she made me feel good by saying "your fertile, you get pregnant waaaay too easy, thats why we have to control the next cycle." After 4 losses in 12 months, it made me feel good to know that getting there isn't the issue. She said, should the tests be normal, then we will either do a medicated cycle or one where I am followed EXTREMELY close. Then, if we should conceive, I will have medication/shots that will help the baby stay put. Im just super pumped. It fnally feels like we are moving in the right direction. DH was SUPER nervous, but I think he feels better now that we have a doctor who knows what she is doing. Also, he was FREAKING OUT when he thought he was gonna have to give blood today. But she wants his to be fasting as well, so he got out of that. But he can deal w/other people's blood, but when it is his own, he almost passes out. I had to chuckle. He didn't even want me to feel out his veins. I warned them today. And they said that they liked how proactive I was in learning as much as I could (thanks Melissa!!!!) and being my own cheerleader was the best thing to do. Yay!! Im glad I now have some answers.

Okay..Im off to bed. Seriously. At 9pm. I didnt realize how nervous I was about today and it made me tired, not to mention that it was gloomy, rainy and cold in Indy which makes me want to just stay cuddled up w/DH. Damn for no "coloring" til we start the BC (cause uh, Im 100% allergic to latex, NICE). Night

Totally Freaking Out

So we leave for the RE in 10 minutes and I am LOOSING.MY.MIND!!! Like I told Melissa, Im not entirely sure about the freaking-outedness, but it's defn. there. Butterflies and everything. Im trying to mentally prepare for being thrown up in the stirrups, etc. But I hate that. Anyway, wish us luck. I'll update as soon as we get back!!

All Aboard the Freak Out Train

Cause Im defn. conductor on tonights voyage. Tomorrow we see the RE at 4pm. Yes, I have all day to worry/fret about it. Yes, I am so nervous I could pee myself. Yes, I am so scared that "nothing" is going to be wrong and therefore, how do you fix NOTHING!? Im at that point im borderline hysterical & sarcastic. It's a nice mix. Anything good thoughts or words of wisdom would be fantastic. Now Im off to bed where hopefully I can sleep and not SPAZ!!

Over The Top

Look what Melissa gave me..Totally rad..and, so obviously, over the top!!










here are the rules
1. you can only use one word!
2. pass this along to 6 of your favorite bloggers
3. alert them that you have given them this award!
4. have fun!

The Fun Part

1. Where is your cell phone? Nightstand
2. Your hair? Red
3. your mother? Awesome
4. Your father? Hero
5. Your favorite food? Italian
6. Your dream last night? Nightmare
7. Your favorite drink? Sprite Zero (I know, 2 words, can't help it)
8. Your dream/goal? Baby
9. What room are you in? Kitchen
10. Your hobby? Reading
11. Your fear? Spiders
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Tennessee
13. Where were you last night? Driving
14. Something that you aren’t? Skinny
15. Muffins? Chocolate
16. Wish list item? Coach
17. Where did you grow up? Indiana
18. Last thing you did? Slept
19. What are you wearing? Scrubs
20. Your TV? News
21. Your pets? Allie
22. Friends? Wonderful
23. Your life? Amazing
24. Your mood? Blah
25. Missing someone? (Someplace) Mountains
26. Vehicle? Mitusbishi Galant (the original, from high school..lol)
27. Something you’re not wearing? Make-Up (yet)
28. Your favorite store? Toss Up (Kohls/Target)
29. Your favorite color? Purple
30. When was the last time you laughed? Morning
31. Last time you cried? Recently
32. Your best friend? Melissa, Rachel, Candi
33. One place that I go to over and over? Work
34. One person who emails me regularly? Mom, Rachel
35. Favorite place to eat? Qdoba

My 6 Favorite Bloggers
1. Melissa: I know she gave this too me (so you don't have to repost it) but she needs to know she's my numero uno =)
2. Aramelle: Expecting her little miracle really soon..She's given me hope =)
3. Aunt Becky: Obviously!!
4. MrsGamgee: Wishing her all the hope in the world and cause I love her blog =)
5. AshPash: Cause she could use some love vibes her way too
6. WiseGuy: Cause she always leave me uplifting messages =)



Oh!! Go congratulate BabySmiling..Because she now has TWO new babies smiling in the backseat!!!

First Anniversary!!

So today we have officially been married for 365 days!! 3 months ago I never in my wildest dreams thought we'd be here..and here we are. I love DH more than I did when we got married, also something I didn't think was possible. We had a PHENOMENAL time in Gatlinburg and I will post pictures soon. Im so glad we decided to stick it out..I never thought we would be here. Now we embark SERIOUSLY on our next task at hand..Making (and keeping in my womb for 9 months) a baby. We see the RE on Tuesday..I skipped a period last month, got a positive test like 10 days later, but negatives since then. I havent tested in over a week and yes, I am *hoping* for a "surprise" on Tuesday, but pretty much know I skipped because of the stress of the last couple of months (2 m/c's, getting robbed, moving, etc.). Hopefully, she'll have some answers. Im so excited for what the next couple of months and years will bring!! Here's to us DH!!!